


In Your Best Interest

by Girl_WithTheDirtyMind



Series: Recover Me [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adorable Castiel, Angst, Broken!Reader, Concerned Sam, Confusion, Dean Bears The Mark of Cain, Dean Winchester sees you orgasm, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fear, Fears of Rape, Hunter Training, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Leviathans, Mind Games, Minor Violence, Past Abuse, Protective Castiel, Protective Winchesters, Reader-Insert, Secrets, Sexual Content, Some Humor, Some Swearing, castiel/reader - Freeform, you - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-03
Updated: 2015-05-03
Packaged: 2018-03-15 10:07:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3443237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Girl_WithTheDirtyMind/pseuds/Girl_WithTheDirtyMind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Winchesters happen upon a girl (you) at a truck stop Gas n Sip while they're in the middle of dealing with the Mark of Cain and Dick Roman simultaneously (I know it doesn't honor the actual timeline, but it makes for an interesting story!), and drag you unwillingly along for the ride.</p><p>The adventure opens up wounds of your own that you'd thought you left behind. . . The bothers with the help of Castiel, force you to battle your demons. Plus they turn you into an ass kicking badass</p><p>This is part 1 of the three part series "Recover Me". Part three is in progress :) thank you for the support!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fancy Meeting You Here

You had about an hour until the end of your shift at a truck stop Gas n’ Sip in Oregon just off the interstate. It was just about to hit midnight, and you had been watching the news on your crappy TV behind the counter with disgust and growing unease. Two men referred to as the Winchesters were on a psycho murder spree in Idaho. . .only about three hours away from you. Although lets face it, they could have been across the country for all you cared, you would still be on edge.

Working late at a truck stop isn't exactly the safest job for a young woman like yourself, you knew that, but living on your own made you desperate.

And you couldn't bring yourself to deal drugs or be a stripper. So dangerous late night jobs it was. There was a small part of you however that couldn't help but find the two men a tiny bit attractive, if you could manage to factor out the small detail that they’d killed over 50 people without blinking an eye in the last 24 hours.

Shivering slightly you rose from your uncomfortable chair, and stretched to turn off the tiny television. That was enough reality for one night.

Walking slowly over to the window, you peered out of the thick glass into the unusually dark night. No stars were out, and the moon was invisible tonight. The truck stop was almost completely deserted, save for one lone truck parked out in the very last spot that no doubt housed a very sleepy driver for the night.

The truck drivers themselves were always friendly and surprisingly happy gentlemen for all the horror stories you’d heard; the people that you needed to worry about were the ones who stopped in here to sleep in the bathroom for the night. . .

Or psychos like the Winchesters who would kill you just for the fun of it, even if you’d done everything they asked.

You hugged your arms tightly around your slender form and hoped your co-worker actually showed up for his shift tonight. All you wanted to do was go home to your cozy little trailer, lock the door, and curl up safely in your bed until noon the next day.

Allowing your eyes to focus on your reflection, you twisted a strand of your (h/c) hair between your fingers mentally counting the seconds until 1 0’ clock decided to roll around. Often when it was painfully slow like this, you would run through possible scenarios in your mind breaking down exactly what you would do to protect yourself against a late night robbery; just like your daddy taught you before he abandoned you.

However due to your small frame and minimal lady strength, more often than not you would decide it would be in your best interest to either lock yourself in the bathroom, or cooperate with the robber and hope he doesn't decide your life is insignificant enough to end.

The bell above the door clanged loudly startling you out of your daze and causing an embarrassingly loud yelp to burst past your lips,

“Catch ya daydreamin’ sweetheart?” a deep rumbling voice said with a hint of amusement. You turned and had to look up to face him completely, with a smile and an apology ready on your lips when sudden and sickening recognition made your throat catch.

The two towering men were standing in the doorway smirking down at you mockingly, one giant with shoulder length brown hair, and the other smaller giant sporting shorter dark blonde hair. Both strikingly handsome at first glance, but upon recognizing them immediate overpowering fear smothered your attraction.

It was them.

It was the Winchesters.

_Who knew evil wore plaid?_

The shorter of the two cocked his head slightly at your sudden obvious discomfort, and took a small step forward. Even though the only thing you wanted to do was run, you forced yourself to back away at a slow normal pace as if you were only taking your place behind the counter to help them.

Keep your cool. Keep your cool. Pretend like you don’t recognize them, and maybe they’ll just buy some jerky and leave. Your body betrayed you however and had begun trembling uncontrollably, and you reached backward to the counter for some support so you didn't crumble to the ground.

You managed to knock an entire rack of gum to the floor with a loud clatter in your haste, which only caused the suspicion in their expressions to grow. Your eyes were watering as you tried to maintain a calm exterior, but you knew deep down that your panic would be painfully obvious to anyone who had eyes.

“Are you alright?” The biggest one asked in what you took as an attempt at mocking your fear. Your knees were practically knocking together, and your grip on the counter tightened before you answered in a too high voice,

“Y-yes I’m o-okay. Can I help you guys w-with anything?” The shorter one who was worlds more intimidating for some reason, squinted his shocking green eyes at you before turning to his brother,

“She knows Sam.” He growled in a way that made you wish the ground would swallow you up, and your eyes darted up to the giant called Sam who stared at you in confusion for a moment before looking back at his brother.

“Dean let’s just explain to her what’s happening to us and-” You used the opportunity to scramble behind the counter in frantic search of your cell phone, not caring about their brotherly conversation about your murder.

“Hey!” Dean’s voice boomed from the doorway, causing a squeak to escape your trembling lips. You had to get to the bathroom with your phone to call 911. The door was only a few feet away, you might be able to make it if you sprinted. . . they were still all the way across the store after all.

Tears had begun to cloud your vision, but you could see the shorter haired man quickly approaching the counter with his hands out in front of him like a gesture of peace.

You knew them though. You had been watching their murder spree on all night long and you weren't about to be the dumb girl who gets tricked into believing the world’s cutest psychos. Wasting no more time you fled toward the bathroom door in a panic, and hearing heavy boots closing in behind you unleashed a terrified scream from your throat.

“Hey STOP!” His voice boomed again shaking your insides, while you fumbled with the door knob.

“Stay away from me!” You screeched desperately, finally wrenching the door open. Pushing your way inside, you managed to slam it closed just before the horrifyingly furious man stopped you.

You secured the flimsy latch, but the action did little to calm your terror. And you found yourself struggling with your quaking hands while you tried to dial the three numbers on your phone.

“Hey unlock this door and get the hell out here, before I break it down!” the gruff voice shouted through the thin wood, his anger was so tangible you almost lost control of your bladder.

You finally pressed send and put the phone to your ear, trying in vain to hold in loud sobs. Your long (h/c) hair was sticking to tears that were now coursing freely down your cheeks,

“I have my phone and I’m calling the police! You better just get out of here before they show up!” Your voice cracked and you hiccuped on your words, realizing that you probably sounded pitiful. Dean’s tone when he answered you was so dangerously low that you were sure you preferred his yelling,

“If you press the call button on that phone, you and I are gonna have a much bigger problem sweetheart.” All you could do was sob in response, and that must’ve been enough to let him know you’d already done it. “Alright you just chose the hard way.” _nonononono!_  You pressed the phone harder to your ear, but all you could hear was an automated woman 

_“You have dialed 911 for an emergency, if you need help pleas_ _e say “help” or press 1 at the tone.”_

“HELP!” you screamed frantically into the phone, just as a loud crash against the other side of the door splintered some of the wood on the frame. _Oh god he was really gonna break it down._

You wedged yourself into the far corner between the wall and the sink, and sunk down to the floor pulling your knees to your chest to make yourself as small as possible.

As if that might protect you.

“Dean! Let’s just hurry up and get out of here.” You could hear the other man yelling in exasperation. _“You have requested help. This is 911 emergency, please stay on the line and our next available dispatcher will be with you shortly.”_

“We can’t just leave Sammy, do you want a replay of what happened last time we got arrested?” Another crash to the flimsy door had the wood splitting significantly, it looked like it could only take one more solid impact before the monsters were in there with you. As a last ditch effort you pleaded with the men on the other side of the breaking door,

“ _Please!_ Please don’t hurt me! I won’t tell anyone you were here, just please leave!” You sucked in a choppy breath,

“We’re a little passed that,” the scariest one spoke a little softer this time, “hang up the phone, open the door and we’ll sort this all out.” _No way!_

“No! I don’t want to die, oh god just please leave!” You sputtered then paused, listening to the 911 recording once more before frantically screaming,“SOMEBODY HELP ME! PLEASE!” that was it. He finally crashed through the door with an echoing crack.

You blocked your face with trembling arms against the sharp wood splinters flying everywhere, and squeezed your eyes shut waiting fearfully for whatever was coming. Your heart jumped with each heavy footfall as he closed the distance between you and the now-broken door. You pitifully attempted to scuttle back further into the wall praying it would just miraculously open up and hide you from Dean Winchester.

You whimpered loudly when a large calloused hand wrapped around your small wrist and another wrenched your phone roughly from your fingertips. The sound of it shattering against the nearby wall was enough to make your heart stop,

“Dean be careful, would you?” The tallest man sounded tired and upon peeking out from under your arms, you saw him looking down at you with worried puppy dog eyes that were etched with pity.

Another sob wracked your entire body, and your tears continued.

_This is it. I’m going to die now, they're gonna kill me just like they've done to dozens of others. . I knew I shouldn't have taken this fucking job._

The angry man squatted down in front of you and met your frightened, tear filled eyes with his calm green ones. Instead of speaking, he just sat back on his heels and stared silently at your trembling form.

“P-please d-don’t do anything to me. I-I’m _begging_ you.” You sobbed miserably. A small smirk flashed on his face momentarily, spurring on your tears.

Suddenly you had a hopeful thought, “I’m sorry I called the police, but y-you smashed my phone so I can’t call back. Y-you can just go now, right?” Another small smile played on his features, and the corners of his eyes crinkled in slight amusement. His low gravelly voice answered you in the worst way imaginable,

“Sure we can sweetheart, but we’re takin’ you along for a while.” He moved so quickly you would have never been able to stop him, and in less than a second you were slung over his strong shoulder like a 50 pound sack of flour.

A feeling that bordered on hysteria overtook you, and you began to struggle frantically for dear life allowing unintelligible pleas (that were only met with grumbled “Yeah, yeah, yeah”’s from your kidnapper) to tumble from your lips as he moved swiftly toward the front door.

The quiet giant was following close behind, with an unreadable expression. . . Could it have been concern? Once you had made it to the shiny black classic car you realized escape was futile, so you went limp on Dean’s shoulder and watched your own tears free fall the long 6 feet down to the cracked concrete.

“We put you in the back you promise not to attack me while I’m driving?” Your throat wouldn't produce an answer, “Or do I gotta put you in the trunk?” _Oh god no!_ With quite an effort you were able to squeak out a barely audible,

“No.” You felt his body jerk with a grunt, before hearing the loud squeaking of an old car door and you were swiftly being flung into the wide backseat. Dean didn't even look at you before slamming the door, but you scrambled to the middle seat and curled up tightly again.

_Why didn't they just kill me in the bathroom? Why are they taking me with them? Are they going to hurt me?. . .Rape me? Oh god no. . ._

 At the thought, you found yourself so overcome with fear the world began to fade into uncomfortable blackness.


	2. A Not-So-Brilliant Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Desperate to escape your unsettling secretive captors, you commit the Holy Grail of all fuck-ups. . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have my word that you won't be such a trembling wimp after awhile, but seeing as you're under the impression that crazed serial killers just kidnapped you. . . It would only make sense that you would be for a quick minute. :)
> 
> Oh, and I've gifted you a tiny bit of Winchester POV before you wake up, just to clear up the situation

****

Winchesters POV

Sam rounded the car and pressed himself against the back door in case the girl woke up and tried to open it to run. He faced Dean, who was doing the same, with the bitchiest bitch-face he could conjure up.

“What?” Dean groaned across the top of his beloved Impala.

“What?” Sam repeated in disbelief shaking his head, “Dean- we are kidnapping a girl right now. Why didn’t we just leave when we had the chance? This gives us a whole new thing to worry about, and by the way, makes us just as bad as those damn Leviathans who-” Dean head a hand up to cut off his brothers rant, so he could explain.

“Listen we had to take the girl cause she was gonna turn us in. If we left her there the police would be on us before you could say Dick Roman. Taking her with us for a while is the best way to ensure that nobody finds out we’re in Oregon.”

He fixed Sam with a level stare as if everything they were doing was completely justified. Sam sighed loudly, running a hand through his hair,

“We at least need to explain everything to her, I mean- she’s terrified Dean. She thinks she’s being kidnapped by two murdering psychos.”

“Sam you don’t breathe a word of this to her,” He warned pointing a cautioning finger at him, “If she finds out about what Dick is capable of, she’ll be in real danger they’ll hunt her Sammy-you know that.”

Sam nodded slowly while he studied the Impala’s rooftop paint job. He knew everything his brother was saying was fact, but he still didn't have to like it.

“Alright. We let her believe she’s been taken, just until we can find a safe time to let her go.” He looked back up to Dean who was nodding along, “Deal?” Dean smirked and moved to the driver’s door,

“Yeah of course Sammy, nobody gets hurt.” he agreed before jerking open the heavy door and sliding into his baby. Sam sighed upward and slowly followed suit,

“Nobody gets hurt,” He murmured to the sky. The youngest Winchester was still more than troubled about the scene in the bathroom, and couldn’t help but think that it looked like Dean might have been enjoying himself. . .

Playing the part of murderous kidnapper a little too well for his peace of mind. He knew The Mark was still getting to Dean, but forced himself to believe his brother could fight it and would never actually hurt that girl. _God we don’t even know her name._

He made a mental note to ask her when she woke.

Dean twisted the key and the Impala roared to life, bringing with it deafening volumes of classic rock. They both twisted in their seats to see if it had woken up the unconscious girl, but thankfully she slept on.

The brothers noticed with a slight pang of guilt that tears still leaked from her eyes, even in her sleep, and her arms were still wrapped securely about her legs. A blind man could see how frightened she was.

“On to Idaho,” Dean said with a sigh, and threw the car into gear.

“On to Idaho. .” Sam repeated still gazing at the tiny young woman in the backseat, he felt guilty noticing at a time like this that she was actually very pretty. Clearing his throat he asked lamely, “Have you heard from Cas lately?” Dean gave a brief glance in the rear view,

“Nope, he said he’d drop in when he found something useful. Could be days before that happens. . .” He gestured lazily to the backseat, “let’s just hope it’s not in front of sleeping beauty back there.” Sam actually managed a short laugh,

“Yeah that would just add to our problems,” He finally turned to face the road. Dean and Sam began carrying on conversation like usual, their unease about kidnapping a young girl tapering off surprisingly quickly.

They had done stranger things for the sake of a mission after all.

***

Your POV

You woke to the steady rumbling of an old car and a soft rock song.

Your eyes cracked lazily open and you took in blurred leather seats, and the very faint homey smell of musk, leather, gunpowder, and. . pie? It was just turning light out, meaning you had to have been passed out for at least six hours.

Quite male voices could barely be heard from the front seats bickering in a good matured fashion, and your waking confusion was brought to an abrupt end. You had been kidnapped by the Winchesters.

The brothers who were currently on a Nationwide murder spree.

You felt your breathing pick up immediately, but hoped they were too distracted to notice you were awake.

Taking quick stock of yourself sprawled in the back seat you were relieved to find that nothing hurt besides your arm from when Dean grabbed you, but that was probably only the beginnings of a bruise.

You teared up a little; overcome by thankfulness that you could feel all of your clothes were in order, and decided your best bet was to feign sleep until they stopped and you had a chance to run.

_Could I even outrun them?_

You were fast, but something told you these men were faster. All of you attention went to not moving and controlling your erratic breathing in order to pass as unconscious,

“How much longer did you say?” You heard the driver-Dean- ask. Some loud ruffling of what you thought was probably a map commenced before Sam answered in his much softer voice,

“Only about ten minutes, the mine shaft shouldn't be hard to miss,” he paused. . . So did your heart. _Mine shaft?!_ “I guess there’s an old building right next to it and that’s where I’m thinking the remains are.” Dean chuckled darkly,

“The old salt n’ burn huh Sammy?” there was a snort from the passenger, then a moment of quiet before Sam spoke,

“Should we really be working a case right now with everything going on?” he hardly got it out before Dean snapped harshly,

“With what going on Sam?” You winced at his tone, but found yourself lost in their conversation.

 _Case? Salt and Burn? What the hell were they talking about?_ There was an exasperated sigh from Sam,

“You know what I’m talking about Dean! The Mark? And Dick Roman? And Bobby? And _you_ . .?” He paused, “Don’t you think we have enough on our plate as is?”

“Me? What about me Sam?” He growled angrily, Sam sighed tiredly but didn't respond, “All I care about is getting this taken care of, and getting this girl taken care of. We’ll worry about the Mark when the time comes.”

his tone became lighter and he tried to ease the tension between them by saying, “besides she’s kind of a cute one anyways, isn't she?” Your heart rate picked up again, and you barely managed to suppress a tiny whimper,

“Fine you wanna play dumb, I’ll let you this time but we need to talk about this at some point Dean.” That did it.

“Talk about WHAT Sam!?” his sudden shout coaxed an involuntary yelp out of you and you squeezed your eyes shut, praying they didn't hear it. Heavy silence filled the car, and you had begun to quake with anticipation.

Knowing full well your cover had been blown, you cracked an eye open to assess the damage done.

Dean was staring hard at you in the rear view, while Sam had turned completely around and seemed more irritated than you’d ever seen him.

“Looks like we woke you up just in time Princess.” Dean grumbled, “Time to get out and stretch your legs.” You silently hoped that there was no double meaning there, and slowly sat up in your seat since the cat was out of the bag anyway.

You pulled your legs up tightly to your chest; the safest position you could think of lately. In an attempt to avoid Sam’s intense gaze you pretended to be intrigued by the yellow-grassed pains flying by your dirty window. Although you were terrified to speak, you had to ask,

“W-where are we?”  _Is_ _that really my voice?_  It was small and vulnerable sounding, and it was nothing like you. Ignoring your question Sam posed another one gently,

“How much of our conversation did you hear?” His eyes were concerned and slightly comforting, but your mind flashed to images of him mercilessly killing all those people in the diner. You shrunk back further against the leather seat back, and you saw in his eyes that he had noticed.

“Nothing I swear,” it came out sounding like a plea, but at least there was no stutter that time.

His brow somehow creased even further with concern so you decided to push it, “Can you please let me go now?” Your voice broke at the end, and you thought you saw Dean flinch slightly behind the wheel.

Sam looked like he wanted to speak, but instead gave you a pained look and turned slowly back to the front. You tried again,

“Where are we?” Both men looked at each other for a moment before continuing to stay silent. Your eyes darted around the back seat for anything you might be able to use as a weapon, even though looking at them you knew that if they decided to attack you you’d be done for.

As it was the back seat was completely bare, besides a useless empty pie container.

“What’s your name?” Sam murmured quietly, leaning his head toward you for a moment,

“My name’s  .” You sniveled miserably, receiving only a nod from both men in response. You laid your head down on the tops of your knees and continued to look blankly out the window.

You weren't really seeing anything though. Honestly all you could focus on was trying not to cry in front of the brothers again, and keeping the idea of your eventual escape in the realm of possibility. . . Even though your hope was fading quicker than a grade school crush.

_Is there a scenario where I make it out alive and in one piece? That’s the door I’d choose right about now._

You wondered why they'd taken to kidnapping. With they're looks, they could get about any woman they wanted, hell if you the circumstances had been different, you would have happily jumped in this old car on your own free will.

It wasn't like you had much else going for you anyway.

Dean was pulling the car off of the road to park all to soon, the sudden decrease in speed pulled you back to reality.

_So this is where I die, on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere._

“Alright, everybody out.” Dean quipped as if you were all just a family on a road trip. You didn't move from your spot, but both men slid out of the car simultaneously. Sam poked his head back in before closing his door and offered you a small smile,

“My name’s Sam, and this is my brother Dean. Don’t be afraid , nothing’s going to happen to you.” he spoke in a hushed tone like he didn't want his brother to hear, then straightened and closed his door gently.

_He’s lying to me, to make this easier on them that’s all._

Dean was reaching for you door handle, no doubt realizing he would have to drag you out, when you surprised yourself by spontaneously leaning over and snapping the lock down.

“The hell-” Dean began. Since you were already in deep, you scrambled about the car making quick work of the three other locks, successfully trapping yourself in the car. Momentarily safe from harm.

Your slim body was halfway stretched across the front console with your lower half still in the back seat, breathing heavily as your nerves once again began bubbling up like hot oil.

You were afraid to look, but forced yourself to peek over your left shoulder at Dean stooping down to look at you through the window.

Your growing fear was justified when you saw his expression. Lips pressed into a tight line, eyebrows knit over his narrowed green eyes that were now darkened with anger, he looked like he wanted to tear you apart.

You were sure that if he got into the car he would.

“Open this damn door and save yourself a world of hurt, girl.” his deep gravelly voice coupled with the threat fed the nerves in your belly. You shook your head from side to side, feeling your (e/c) eyes widen pleadingly. “You don’t want to mess with my car sugar, that’s off limits.”

Sam then spoke to you more calmly,

“Listen just open the door, and I promise neither of us will hurt you,” he was nodding imploringly on the other side of the thin glass and looked so sincere, “You have my word.” You wanted desperately to believe him when a thought occurred to you.

 _Why haven’t they just unlocked the door yet?_ Quickly your eyes shot to the ignition, and knew there was a god when you saw them hanging there. _Keys._ He followed your line of sight,

“Son of a bitch!” Dean roared furiously by your other shoulder, the sound spurred you into action. You scrambled panicked the rest of the way into the big drivers seat and scooted up to the edge of it until your feet could comfortably touch the pedals, all the while trying to ignore the huge man screaming at you through the shaking glass he was pounding on,

“If you so much as turn those keys, I’ll kill ya kid.” Your eyes shot to Dean’s, completely shocked at the threat.

He was breathing heavily now, nostrils flared, pupils blown wide. . . He was the embodiment of the word crazed. It was the extra push you needed to crank the ignition and bring the car roaring to life.

Although you were 18, you had no need to get a license or learn how to drive a car growing up. So you stared dumbly at the wheel momentarily losing your new found courage.

_I could still unlock the door on Sam’s side. . . He said he wouldn't hurt me._

But once both Dean and Sam began to yank wildly at both door handles on either side of you, you knew that there was no turning back.

Taking a shaky breath you threw the car into drive and floored the gas pedal, spraying gravel at least 20 yards in every direction in the process. The brothers ran with you for as long as they could, but even the Winchesters can’t keep up with a speeding car.

You whipped your head around to see them standing disbelievingly in the middle of the road.

Dean looking like you’d just killed his dog. _I did it, I’m actually gonna make it!_

However your victory was short lived when the gravel road acted like a bed of marbles under the speeding tires. Before you could blink you were spinning, with no clue how to regain control.

In a panic you let go of the steering wheel and hoped to God it would stop on it’s own, but you’d forgotten one thing.

To take your foot off of the gas.

The lip of the ditch grabbed the two left tires and pulled you mercilessly into the tall yellow grass, abruptly stopping the car when the tires met the bottom. The car was so tilted that you were practically laying on the passenger door, it was a miracle that the whole car hadn't tipped completely over.

Yelling in the distance caused you to scramble frantically back up to the steering column and attempt to ignite the engine once more, all tires were still grounded so if it started you could make a more careful escape. No such luck though.

No matter how many times or how hard you twisted, the spark wouldn't take.

Taking a worried peak over the passenger seat, you saw the men closing in on you through the dust at a frightening speed. You had no other options other than to open the door and try your luck at out-running them.

You didn't even realize you were crying again until a tear dripped on your quaking hand, as you moved to unlock the driver side door. Taking one more shaky breath you ripped the lock up, and heaved the squeaky door open instantly inhaling a lung full of dust in the air.

As soon as your foot touched the ground you realized two things:

one Sam was much closer than you thought he would be,

and two your legs felt like jelly.

You fell to your hands and knees and tried to scuttle around the open door, but the loose gravel was making your quick escape extremely difficult.

It was like the nightmares you had as a child, when the monster is closing in on you but your legs won’t work no matter how scared you are or how hard you try to run. Only now it’s real and you can’t wake up when the monsters get too close.

The moment your feet finally found purchase, Sam’s hand clamped around your arm like a steel trap.

“No!” you screamed and fought against him, falling back to the ground and kicking at his knees desperately. Unfazed by your wild flailing, he hoisted you up by your arm with alarming strength and basically tossed you back up onto the road away from the car.

You felt a warm wet sensation below your rib cage and looked down to see your favorite white shirt had a growing red spot on it, you must have cut yourself on the larger rocks in the ditch. Your breath hitched when you looked up to see Dean inspecting his car, while feverishly mumbling incoherent sentences to himself.

_Oh god, he’s gonna be so angry._

Sam had climbed out from the ditch effortlessly, and was making his way slowly towards you with his hands raised out in front of him.

Immediately you began to scuttle backwards whimpering with each painful movement. When he saw your panic he immediately went from towering over you to crouching low in front of you, but it made him look no less intimidating in your eyes.

Continuing to titter backwards away from him, your back came into contact with a large boulder on the other side of the road, putting a stop to any attempt to distance yourself from the murderer. Your eyes darted around for anything that might help you, a large stick, a movable rock, anything.

Just before Sam was about to speak, you saw Dean marching fiercely toward you. All you could do was put your hands up in surrender. _“If you so much as turn those keys I’ll kill ya kid.”_

You shook your head frantically from side to side, not even able to find the words to beg him not to kill you. He was shaking his head and had a savage smirk on his face that made your blood run cold,

“Ahh no honey. You not only jacked my Baby,” he stopped in front of you practically growling, “You fucking crashed her!” He screamed the last part in your face, and at was all you could do not to wet yourself.

You’d never been so afraid in your life, but then again you’d never come face to face with an angry Winchester before.

“I-I’m s-sorry!” you bawled, and when you saw his features darken further you were sure you were maybe only seconds away from death. Without a word he swiftly reached down and lifted you by your arm like Sam had, but he did it almost gently giving you a tiny amount of false hope.

You heard yourself whimpering the words _“I’m sorry”_ to him on repeat, but you couldn't control your own word flow. All hope was dashed when he suddenly slammed you painfully back down against the boulder and clamped his hand savagely over your neck to hold you in place.

“Dean!” Sam yelled from behind, but made no move to stop him. You clawed at his arms frantically and Dean spoke over your fearful screaming,

“You know what happens to people who mess with my Baby?” Too busy sobbing you found it difficult to answer, “No?” he chided before producing a huge knife, that looked oddly like some sort of jawbone, from behind his back and bringing to your tear streaked face.

You stopped breathing, froze, and squeezed your eyes shut, trying desperately to wake up from this nightmare.

“Dean get off of her!” Sam yelled again.

“Open your eyes!” He barked, you could feel his hot whiskey breath on your cheek, but you kept your eyes closed,

“ _Pleasepleasepleaseplease_ ,” You sobbed at him desperately, while trying to twist your face away. His rough fingers gripped your chin with bruising strength to turn your face back to his,  

“I said open. Your. Fucking. Eyes.” There was that dangerously came voice again, the same one from the truck stop right before he busted the door down. You were in deep shit.

“Oh God please don’t,” you begged while you slowly slid your eyelids open to reveal the man staring down on you with the most sadistic smile you could have imagined,

“Please don’t what?” he mocked in a sing song voice, raising his eyebrows.

“Don’t kill me. . . .” You whispered back shakily. His eyes suddenly went wide, and he became very still. The expression on his face was almost as if he only just realized what he was doing to you.

To your absolute surprise he released your neck quickly, and allowed you to drop to the ground at his feet. The knife thudded in the dirt next to you, but you still watched him back away from you with his hands up and his mouth hanging open,

“Sammy,” he turned to his brother, who stood at few yards away looking completely taken aback, before he rushed toward Dean and grabbed at his face yelling about more things you didn't understand.

_What the hell is going on?!_

You managed to get to your feet shakily, clutching painfully to the gash at your side.

Dizzy and dazed you began to wobble down the road aimlessly, believing somewhere in your mind that they wouldn't notice you slowly walking away.

Glancing back over your shoulder, you saw Sam occasionally monitoring your progress, while focusing most of his attention on his brother. He must’ve known you had nowhere to go anyway.

However when you turned your attention back to the long dirt road in front of you, there was yet another tall man standing front and center. Hope blossomed.

You weren't sure what was up with these Winchester boys, but you knew that they were unstable and you had to get away from them. So against all better judgement, you momentarily ignored the ripping pain in your side, and you ran to the dark haired man in the trench coat that matched the dirt road.

You latched onto him, and gratefully pressed your tear-streaked face into this new stranger’s blue, backwards tie.

He smelled oddly like a mixture of honey and spice, it was extremely comforting to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoping to post weekly, maybe more if I have time . . But I'm a Nursing student and lord knows we don't get much of that :) I'd love to get suggestions for where you think the story could go, and of course I always love hearing what you think!


	3. Always Call an Angel to Untangle Your Web

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Angel in the trench coat comes to your rescue!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of your past occur throughout the chapter, look close for them because they can be easy to miss!

The man stood motionless listening while you hysterically sobbed out your story into his chest,

“. . . and then they kidnapped me, and I crashed his car. . . Then h-he tried to _kill_ me!” You felt the man’s hand awkwardly pat your back as if he was unsure of whether you were hugging him or not.

He gently gripped the tops of your arms and leaned back slightly to get a good look at you, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“Please sir do you have a phone? You have to help me. . . _Where’s your car_?” He shook his head slowly at you, growing more and more uneasy,

“I do not own a car.” His voice was low and gravelly, but somehow made you feel a tiny bit safer.

“How did you get out here then? Is there a town close by?” You leaned to the side to look around him down the road, but with his hands still on your arms he pulled you gently back in front of him. “Come on we have to go! They’re _crazy_!”

He slowly shook his head again, and looked as if he was seeing right through you, like he was searching for something deep within your eyes.

“You’re fleeing the Winchesters?” he rumbled in confusion. Your blood went cold,

“Y-you know them?” that came out about three octaves higher than your normal voice. He squinted and cocked his head to the side,

“Yes of course they are my. . . friends.” _No._ You looked down at your hands, and began kneading them together fretfully.

You felt tears prick your eyes for the hundredth time that day, and you tried in vain to hold them back while you were in front of this man.His hold on your shoulders was still very gentle, and you felt him lean down to inspect your features, no doubt seeing fresh tears fall from your eyes on their own accord.

“Did I do something to trouble you ?” Your head snapped up,

“How do you know my name?” He allowed you to jerk out of his grip and take a few steps backward. His gaze hardened at your tone,

“My name is Castiel, I am an Angel of the Lord.” You felt your mouth drop open, and you backed away several more feet. _Great another crazy person. He may look like an Angel, but if he’s a disciple of God then I’m Beyonce Knowles._

A small smile played on the man’s lips, in any other situation you would have found it absolutely adorable,

“You can’t be, you look nothing like her.” You gasped. _That didn't just happen._

“L-like Beyonce?” his smile disappeared and he gave a curt nod, “Did I say that out loud?” You squeaked at him. His brow furrowed and he shifted, appearing to grow irritated with your questions,

“No, I read your mind,” _That was sarcasm, right?_ He stepped toward you quickly and continued, “Now come with me to speak with the Winchesters , and you will see there is nothing to fear.” You jumped back from him again,

“Angels aren't real,” You whispered shrilly, then your voice picked up “Don’t take me back to them.” he gave an exasperated sigh and swiftly closed the distance between you, gently taking your arm again and steering you back toward the crash site.

You could see Sam and Dean leaning against the car looking your direction waiting, and you instantly tried in vain to twist out of Castiel’s grip. Seeing your struggle, your former captors pushed off of the car to casually walk your way, appearing to have plans to meet you and Crazy Man #3 halfway which only alarmed you more.

“Let go of me!” You screamed desperately at the overly dressed man. Clawing at his hand appeared to have literally no effect on him, your fear increased when you saw that he wasn't even _flinching_.

Those shockingly blue eyes connected with yours, as if he only just heard your pleas, they were filled with nothing but deep reassurance and comfort.

_Oh wow._

Despite yourself you felt consoling warmth spread through your body, seeming to branch from where he held your left arm.

His grip was still gentle but firm, the only reason it was hurting at all was because of your violent thrashing, and the gash on your side. It had started to heavily bleed again. Something about this man implored you to trust him.

Before you could pinpoint the feeling, he broke eye contact to look ahead and only then did you notice that the Winchesters were once again too close for comfort.

Making you feel extremely small and vulnerable.

At 5’8” you knew you were a relatively tall girl, but next to these three men you might as well have topped off at 4 feet. You hugged yourself with your right arm, and scrunched over like you were trying to hide from them inside yourself.

All you could think about was that your previously minimal chances of escape had been completely diminished now. There were three men now and they had you. . . And they could do to you whatever they pleased.

_Oh god, I just want to go home. ._

But at the same time, home for you was never much better. The only difference was that these were strangers.

You vaguely heard Castiel clear his throat uncomfortably,

Against all effort and you were openly crying in front of the men again, unproductively attempting to smother your pathetic hiccups and snivels. You had let your fears get the better of you.

However you couldn't help but notice that their demeanor toward you had substantially changed. . .

They all three studied you now with what looked to be regretful gazes, and you even saw Sam examining your wounded abdomen with full blown concern.

_What the hell is happening?_

Even though your breathing was labored from your futile struggles, you were not giving up quite yet. The mellow man holding you in place looked as if he was about to speak, but before he could you mustered up your last bout of strength and _all_ of your courage.

You planted a nasty kick to Castiel’s lower abdomen (which was as far up as your foot could reach) being sure to dig the pointed tip of your Converse into his stomach as hard as you could, the action evoked a ripping scream from your mouth as it felt like it tore your wound even further open.

The good news was that the spontaneous attack would have brought the Terminator down. . . The bad news was that it only coaxed a small grunt from the seemingly impassive man.

Gaze darting quickly up to the Winchesters, you saw identical looks of surprise on their faces at your sudden violence.

To be honest you’d surprised yourself.

Dean’s small quirk of his lips made it seem like he might have even approved of it a bit. Your uneasy confusion was magnified as the man who still gripped your arm turned to you with a blood freezing-glare pasted on his face.

His once comforting sky blue eyes now pierced straight through any tiny scrap of confidence you might have had.

You found yourself shrinking back from the unbelievably intimidating man.

“Why would you do that?” He grumbled demandingly. His large hand squeezed your arm a fraction tighter than he was before, but only enough to bring your watery eyes back to attention. You had a ridiculous urge to apologize to the man, before Dean’s deep voice broke Castiel’s spell,

“Alright easy Cas, she’s been through a lot.” Despite his words, you shied away from the sound of Dean’s deep voice instinctively.

He noticed, and pressed his lips together firmly like he was deciding on what to say to you. You noticed that Castiel allowed you to cower back from the three of them as far as his arm would reach, and you were slightly grateful for that.

They took turns shifting uncomfortably, and trading loaded glances before Sam finally broke the silence,

“Listen , I’m not exactly sure how to say this, but it’s not us that you should be afraid of.” when you only looked at him he cleared his throat and continued, rushing his words “I know you have no reason to trust us, but believe me when I say there is no safer place to be than with us right now.”

You weren't sure if it was the gentle demeanor Sam used when he spoke to you or what, but you found enough confidence to scoff at the tallest man.

“I have a bruised neck and a cut on my cheek that says differently.” You answered flatly. Sam straightened and glanced at his brother with a look that could only be classified as a bitch-face. Dean leveled you with a no-bullshit stare,

“You're lucky that's all you've got." he growled,"You crashed my car,” he said that like it counted as a good enough reason to almost kill you. Sam dismissed the comment with a sporadic wave of his arms and an exasperated sigh,

“Dean- just go wait by the Impala for a minute, and Cas let go of her arm would you?” Immediately Cas dropped your arm, but for some reason you wanted to stay close to the the docile man’s side.

Dean stared at his brother like he had just committed an act of betrayal, before grunting dejectedly and turning on his heel to stalk away head shaking back and forth.

Once Dean was far enough away that you didn't feel like sprinting down the bumpy road, Sam reconnected his sympathetic eyes with your guarded ones,

“I know I already asked you, but how much of our conversation did you hear when you were pretending to sleep.” _I’m not so sneaky after all I guess._

“I don’t remember.” you lied instinctively. Sam dropped his shoulders impatiently, and looked to Castiel who was staring at you with a furrowed brow.

“It would be wise to tell us .” You threw your hands out dramatically,

“Why? So you don’t kidnap me? So you don’t drag me out into the middle of nowhere and attack me?” Your voice was rising several octaves, “Why does what I heard matter at all? Why don’t you just kill me like you've done to so many others and end it?”

_Wow what an idiotic thing to say. . ._

Castiel turned to Sam clearly perplexed,

“You haven’t murdered any humans lately. . .” he looked back to you after a beat of awkward silence, “I can make this process much more efficient, if you will allow me .” Eyeing him warily you wondered aloud,

“ _How?_ ” Castiel scanned your face before matter-of-factly answering,

“By calling upon your memory of course,” you gaped at him, and shifted your eyes to Sam and back,

“You’re not an Angel dude!” he only blinked at your outburst, “Angels don’t _exist_. Crazy people do though, and I’m pretty positive which one of those all _three_ of you are!”

“Are you done?” he answered impatiently after your yelling fit, “because if you are, I can heal your wounds as well if you would like.”

_Well I’m not going anywhere, so I guess I’ll see where this bullshit leads._ Regarding him with mock composure you let your words drip with sarcasm,

“Fine. _Fine_. Read my mind and heal this giant fucking cut, oh Great One,” he nodded once and you heard Sam snort loudly at your attitude. The man quickly stepped up to you,

“I would not be offended if you addressed me as Cas,” he told you and he suddenly brought two fingers to your forehead. You swayed backward a little, receiving a disapproving look from the “Angel”,

“Stay still,” he warned. Castiel’s gaze drilled deeply into your eyes. He couldn't actually be an Angel, right? _Odd? Yes. Angel? Of course not._

Out of nowhere a warm tingly sensation focused on your lower abdomen. Exactly where your dangerously deep cut lie.

“ _What the hell_?” Your fingers jerked up the light cotton material at the hem, to reveal a sickening gash that was rapidly closing before your eyes. His arm flashed out to steady you when you wobbled, under the tickling feeling spreading throughout your body.

You stared dumbfounded at the now-unblemished skin, reaching down to touch it just to be sure it wasn't all in your head.

Castiel straightened to his full height and removed his fingers from your forehead, but kept his hand on your shoulder as if he thought you might faint.

Hell, _you_ thought you might faint.

He looked to Sam,

“She knows of Leviathan, and was conscious while you discussed their leader.” he sighed tiredly and looked down on you, continuing to speak to Sam who looked rather downtrodden at the news,“Sam. . . I suggest you orient her on all things regarding the supernatural world.”

“What t-the hell are you?” you whispered to him, still reeling over your magically healed wound. He looked at you with slightly squinted sincere blue eyes,

“As I told you before, I am an Angel of the Lord. . . although I am becoming accustomed to explaining this fact multiple times to each human I reveal it to.” there was a ghost of a smile on his lips, and you stared at each other for what felt like forever. You were honestly completely mesmerized by this man. 

Sam addressed the Angel while he looked between the two of you with what looked like a curious expression scribbled on his face,

“We’ll take her to the bunker, and figure it out from there.” _Bunker?_ you wondered if it was what it sounded like,

“It’s a safe place, I assure you.” Castiel answered your unspoken question, “Your knowledge has placed you in a gravely dangerous position. I advise you to follow the Winchesters closely. . . They are good men. Nothing like the one you used to know.” he said that last part a tad more quietly.

All you could do was stare at him, with an open mouth.

He was a freaking A _ngel_ for Christ sake! This isn't how you’d pictured them growing up. . . At all. The realization that he was waiting for an answer snapped you out of your reverie.

“Oh! Um yeah. . Okay. I mean I will.” _Great I’m a babbling idiot._ His brow furrowed, but he nodded all the same, then turned to Sam completely.

“I will meet you there,” he paused and stepped closer to Sam, glancing briefly at you. It was difficult to make out, but you caught  _“Dean. . . away from her. . . dangerous. . .”_ there was more muffled speaking while your gaze drifted over to the man leaning on his Impala.

Your heart stuttered when you caught his gaze, and it all but stopped when he narrowed his eyes at you.

You mentally kicked yourself for landing on his bad side. _I’ll just find a good time to apologize for stealing his car. Yeah. I've always been good at winning people over._ You nodded encouragement to yourself, but silently wondered what Castiel had been saying to Sam.

“Good luck .” the Angel startled you out of your thoughts. You weren't sure if he was addressing your thought process or just wishing you luck in general, but the comment sounded like a goodbye.

“Wait. You’re not leaving are you?” You started to panic, and caught Sam looking at you with a saddened gaze because of it. Cas nodded slowly,

“You have nothing to fear.” noting your widened eyes he added with a sigh, “I will be at the bunker when you arrive.”

Forgetting all the binds of social etiquette, you unthinkingly threw yourself at the angel and wrapped your arms around his waist. He gave a little _“ooofff”_ of surprise, but awkwardly mimicked your gesture.

“Thank you.” Although you weren't sure exactly what you were saying it for. You felt his answering grunt rumble strongly through his chest under your cheek. Then he simply muttered,

“Yes.” You stayed there a little bit longer inhaling his comforting scent, and dreading being left alone with the brothers again. With your head tucked under his chin, you closed your eyes relishing in the feeling of safety he emitted.

It felt like years since you felt so calm, even though it was only that morning when you had been taken. Something told you the feeling would disappear once you left the Angel's arms.

Castiel surprised you by asking earnestly,

“What time interval is customary for one to hug? It seems to change all the time.” Sam answered for you with a light chuckle,

“In this case, as long as she needs Cas.” you pulled away sheepishly, and he nodded down at you once more before disappearing to the sound of flapping wings.

“Whoa!” you hopped back from where the man used to stand, and swiveled you head to look at Sam. He was grinning down at you knowingly,

“You’ll get used to that,” he chuckled before slowly moving his arm around your shoulders to guide you to the car. A chivalrous gesture that was probably second nature to the man, but had you stiffening with worry.

You were thankful that he didn't seem to notice your discomfort and you replayed in your mind what Cas had said, _“They are good men. . .You have nothing to fear. . .Nothing like the one you used to know.”_ However you couldn't stop the question from suddenly bursting passed your lips in a shrill voice,

“So you’re _not_ killers?” Dean was in earshot by now and you heard him snort, while he flung open your door in the back.

“Not the kind you’re thinkin’ of.” he answered you in a mildly irritated voice, while he looked down on you over the open back door he held.

You stopped in the open doorway and turned toward him with downcast eyes, it was hard to bring yourself to get into the car just yet. Sam still stood next to you, unknowingly trapping you against the car.

Once again you wrapped your arms around your body protectively, and you saw Sam take a small step back at the gesture to give you space.

Even though nerves buzzed at the idea, you knew it would be stupid not to reaffirm your safety so you took a deep breath and asked both of them, 

"So. . You're _not_ going to hurt me right?" You looked up at Dean once you got the question out, he was still staring down at you with narrowed eyes. 

_How can he look_ more  _irritated?_

"Not unless you do something stupid. Like touch my car again, Sweet Cheeks." Sam huffed beside you. You nodded. Your next question had been a concern since they first took you, and you had to get it out.

So averting your eyes from both of them, you forced it past your lips.

"R-rape me?" your voice sounded very small again, and you visibly shuddered at the word. When there was no answer, your gaze snapped fearfully back up to the towering men.

Both had identical looks of wide-eyed surprise pasted on their faces, mouths hanging open like they thought they might have heard you wrong. Dean recovered first and slightly lowered his head toward you.

For the first time since you met him, he spoke to you in a very gentle voice,

"No one is going to do anything like that to you ," he paused staring directly into your (e/c) eyes with disarming sincerity,

"I'm sorry that that's something you've been afraid of this whole time." Heavy weight was lifted completely off of your shoulders, along with that ugly worry.

You sighed softly with relief dropping your arms heavily,

"Thank you." you whispered a little brokenly, and plopped loosely down into the still-sideways car.

They both gave you tight smiles, sending silent messages to each other with shifty eyes. You chose to ignore it and sighed again, feeling so much more relaxed. You let your eyes close lightly. Now that you felt relatively safe you were surprised at just how much prolonged constant fear could ware down your body.

You were already on the brink of sleep in the sun-warmed leather bench seat, and you welcomed it.

You barely noticed Dean starting up the roaring engine. Or when Sam slammed his door.

However you definitely noticed when Dean shifted in his seat to face you with an eye crinkling grin and said in an almost cheery fashion,

"So how much do you know about the Supernatural kiddo?"  _  
_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like your in the dark about the Mark of Cain for awhile, but your relationship with the Winchesters seems to be taking a turn for the better :) Will your past continue to haunt you?


	4. The Quest to Reclaim My Sanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More of your past is uncovered, and you arrive at the Bunker :) The boys want you to trust them more than anything and you know you should, but the only person who really makes you feel safe is their Angel.
> 
> Winchester POV :) Feelings that Sam and Dean have for you arise . . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this chapter a little earlier than planned. 
> 
> Enjoy! :)

Although the duration of the drive to Kansas was over a day long, you were surprised that it was non-stop save for gas, food, and coffee. Sam and Dean only traded driving for sleeping twice, and whoever was doing the driving was educating you on the hidden horrors of the world.

They told you about Hunters like themselves, and that Leviathan could take on the form of whoever they wanted to just like a shapeshifter (which were also fucking real). Sam explained that things you’d seen on TV killing a bunch of people were in fact Leviathan, attempting to get them arrested so they could feed on people as they pleased.

Which was why they had to kidnap you in the first place, so you didn’t call the police.

It all made sense really.

The only thing that had you mildly unsettled was that they’d managed to avoid the question “so you’ve never killed anyone then”.

However that didn’t surprise you much either, something about these two told you that they were not strangers in the death and killing department. Sam was always more gentle about certain details and periodically asked you if you were doing alright.

Dean on the other hand was taking no prisoners in the manner he was explaining monsters and demons to you; always blunt and always to the point. He dug into his glove compartment and produced a worn journal, explaining to you that it was their fathers and that you should flip through it for a while.

“If you’re curious, ask.” he reminded you, before switching on the radio to assault your ears with a loud Def Leppard instrumental. For hours you kept to yourself, turning page after unsettling page.

However you weren't afraid necessarily.

Truth be told you had always secretly believed in ghosts and the paranormal world, what surprised you was the existence of novel monsters like werewolves and vampires. When you saw the next page held a frightening drawing labeled Wendigo, you were actually excited.

Your grandfather had told a campfire story involving the Wendigo every time he took you camping since you could remember. You never thought his story might actually be true. You caught Dean’s intense green eyes checking up on you in the rear view every so often, during your leather-bound discoveries.

Once you tried offering him a smile, he only snorted and shifted his gaze back to the road. So much for mending fences. You guessed that the reassuring man from the road had gone back to hide behind his curtains of general intimidation and grumpiness.

About an hour or so later though he turned the music down, and glanced at his sleeping brother,

“How’s the research?” he grumbled to you nonchalantly. Forgetting who you were speaking to for a moment, you answered naturally,

“All of this seems so magical. . .” you mumbled pretty much to yourself. He startled you with a deep chuckle, “What’s so funny?” that came out a touch more defensive than necessary.

“Oh no-no, I’m sorry. . .” he took his hand off the wheel to wave you off,

“It’s just I know someone who said the exact same thing when she found out about all this crap.”

“Oh,” that was all you could think to say, but you wondered how many people knew about monsters.

“Look , I don’t expect you to take all this crazy new information in stride. So if you want to freak out, just freak out.” You shook your head slowly, waiting for all of it to actually sink in but nothing happened.

“I won’t freak out,” you told him calmly, “ I guess I kind of already believed in these things a little bit.” you shrugged to yourself and looked back down to the book, it was open to the pages about Ginn. Dean mirrored your shrug,

“Alright then,” he crinkled his eyes and pursed his lips thoughtfully, “So who were you before this?” you opened your mouth and shut it again, not entirely sure how to answer him. What a strange way to phrase that question.

“Me,” you answered dumbly, earning a loud scoff from the driver’s seat. Dean made you nervous, not just because of his previously violent nature (although that was a huge factor), but also because during this long car ride you had a chance to really look at him.

And he was not exactly an eye sore. In fact he might have been one of the most attractive men you’d ever seen. . . Let alone spent more that 5 minutes with.

“Oh come on babe,” _oh, kill me now he called me babe!_ “run me through a day in the life of  ,” he paused again,

“What’s your last name?”

“ .”

“A day in the life of   .” he framed his request with a half circle gesture in front of his face with his hand, before glancing back at you smiling proudly.

You fidgeted nervously in the back, one sweaty palm sticking to the old yellowed pages of the journal and the other awkwardly massaging the leather seat. _Oh Lord, my face is so red right now._

“Umm, there’s not much to tell,” your life suddenly felt very inadequate when put on the pedestal beside what Dean and Sam’s daily routine must involve. When he only sat quietly waiting you swallowed your trepidation and dove into it,

“I live alone. . . My mom died when I was 15, and my dad walked out on me two years after that. Our trailer was payed for so I’ve been living in that ever since, no one bothers me about it anymore.” You saw a muscle in his jaw tick and stay that way while you continued,

“I’ve been working at that truck stop since he left, college hasn’t really been an option for me yet.” You stopped, not really wanting to tell him the rest, and swallowed hard. But Dean knew you were hiding something,

“What else?” the hard edge in his voice made you stiffen a little bit,

“Uhm, what do you mean?” you pretended to be really interested in an old scar on your knee.

“You know what I’m talking about.” when you stayed silent he got right to it, “Who made you afraid of everything?” your eyes stayed glued to the floor,

“You don’t know what your talking about.” you said harshly, but you knew in your heart he did. In fact, he’d hit it right on the nose. “You’re just scary, that’s all.”

That part wasn’t even a lie, but you could feel him staring at you in the mirror.

“That’s a job requirement,” he joked halfheartedly, “so some peice of crap boyfriend, I’m guessing?”

_Why does he even care?_

“He wasn’t actually my boyfriend. . . I’ve never even kissed anyone.” you mumbled quietly.

Dean quickly spun back look at you with a shit eating grin lit up on his face, and you were only confused for a second. You’re cheeks flushed a deep red when you realized exactly how much about yourself you accidently just revealed to to the practical stranger.

_Apparently my mind to mouth filter is a bit rusty._

“Look. The things he did don’t even bother me anymore, okay? Besides I think I had plenty of reason to be freaked out today.” still smiling he nodded slowly, not totally buying it.

“Remind me to leave you behind on dragon cases.” he said with a dark chuckle. You let your eyebrows knit together,

“What does that mean?” he waved you off again, still chuckling to himself.

“So how’d you get rid of him, then?” you were sweating a lot now, maybe even visibly if it wasn’t so dark in the car. You only blurted your question to stop him from grilling you,

“Why did Cas say you were dangerous, and that I shouldn’t be alone with you?” he stiffened behind the wheel and you could feel his displeasure thinning the air around you. Only then did you realize what you’d done.

_Oh fuck I wasn’t supposed to know about that._

“Cas said that to you, huh?” his voice was low and and angry again. You felt your stomach knot up, and tried to think of how you could take it back. “Oh, are we not speaking suddenly?”

His voice was rising in volume and your body went tight as a bow. Sam snored on, and you wondered if you should wake him up. His change in behavior was all too familiar to you,

“I-I mean he didn’t say it to _me_. . .” you struggled to find words to explain, and saw him glance at the sleeping giant next to him.

“I think you and I need to have a little talk about privacy,” the car slowed causing you to practically yell,

“Wait! _Wait,_ d-don’t pull over-please I-”

“Can it.” he snarled cutting you off, “there was a skunk in the road, I’m not pulling over.”

Well now you felt like a fool. You were slightly angry at yourself for ruining a chance to actually talk to Dean, and you knew deep down he was only trying to get to know you. So you took a giant lungful of air and told him quietly,

“I called the cops on Jason when he got really bad one night, I didn’t even realize I’d called them I was so afraid . . .” you cleared your throat to jolt away the memory,

“they took him away, and handed him a restraining order. I knew he would’ve never stayed away, so I got a friend of mine to move me and my trailer to a different park two states away. Somewhere he would never find me,” Dean made no effort to respond, but seemed a little more calm so you looked down to the journal and admitted,

“You’re right though, I am still afraid sometimes because of the things he did. It was getting a lot better until you guys showed up. . . I guess all of this just brought back bad memories.” you waited.

Silence.

You internally cringed at how tense the quiet was, but you saw his frame visibly relax in front of you.

“I’m sorry.” he finally said softly, “You didn’t have to tell me that,”

“I wanted to. . . and you asked.” he glanced over his shoulder at you and gave you a small smile. You actually blushed at how good that expression looked on him, and were once again thankful for the dark. _Get it together now’s not the time._

Sam suddenly spoke up, startling both you and Dean,

“I’m happy you could get that out . Admitting something like that takes a lot.” his brother looked hard at him, and you could swear those words held a hidden message between the two.

“Come on Sammy, you’re makin everyone uncomfortable.” that actually had you giggling and both the brothers tilted their heads to tune in.

“Haven’t heard that sound in a while,” Dean commented lightly. Sam nodded and chuckled gently,

“I like it though,” and for the first time in a long time you felt warmth inside. You thought it might have been because seeing the two brothers interact made you imagine having a family that actually cared for you. That maybe being with these two meant you wouldn’t have to go it alone. . . At least for a little while.

_Don’t get your hopes up idiot._

Since you were lost in your sentimental feelings you only vaguely heard Sam ask Dean how much longer. Dean told him about half an hour and to quit complaining. You decided to let them know what was on your mind then,

“How long do I have to stay with you guys?” _It’s not like I’m leaving much behind anyway._ Sam finally sat up in his seat and yawned loudly,

“Well at least until we can kill Dick Roman.”

“And his flock of purple people eaters,” Dean added proudly. Sam snorted at him and gave him a _“dude seriously?”_ look. You spoke before you thought better of it,

“I want to help,” although you weren’t sure what that meant.

“Nope.” Dean said automatically, “We’re taking you to the bunker to keep you out of harms way, that’s it”

Sam agreed with his brother,

“Yeah he’s right , you would have to basically go through Boot Camp to be any help to us.” you huffed at the comment, but then suggested in a sort of cocky manner,

“Train me then.” both men in the front seat took it as a joke, and bursted out into fits of thundering laughter. Only when you didn’t join did they realize you had been serious.

“What? You don’t think you can teach me how to kill monsters? Are you not good enough at it or something?” there was no doubt in your mind that they knew exactly what they were doing when it came to killing things, but you were trying to trick them into agreeing to train you.

Nothing this exciting had ever happened to you before, and you had every intention of milking the opportunity while it was here. Dean clarified,

“It’s not that we couldn’t train you, it’s that we don’t want to.” _ouch._ “All we want is to protect you from Dick, and send you back to a nice normal life unscathed. Believe me, you want nothing to do with being a Hunter.”

“I don’t want to be dead weight.” you complained.

“Trust me, you would be more of a burden in the field.” Dean affirmed.

“Fine.” you looked out the window into the black night, and decided that somehow you would get them to train you. You were not sitting on the sidelines for this one.

 

The Impala slowed and veered off to the left, it looked for a moment like Dean was driving straight into the forest next to the road. You sat up as tall as you could and squinted out the windshield.

The headlights illuminated a large building that was protruding from the ground like it had been buried in a landslide, and the car was coasting toward what had to be the garage doors.

“Home sweet home,” Dean commented lightly. Once inside you determined that the whole building must be made from stone, and you gasped when you saw an array of classic cars and motorcycles scattered around the gigantic room.

“Did you two inherit this place or something?” You opened your door to get out and take it all in. Sam snorted,

“Yeah something like that,” he was already around to the back of the Impala, digging in the trunk. You didn’t even realize Dean was by your side until he spoke,

“Sort of an upgrade from living in a trailer, wouldn’t you say?” he said it with a smile, but it still stung a little.

“Yeah too bad I don’t _actually_ live here,” you mumbled, “It’s more like a unique resort.” a forced chuckle burst out, and Dean looked down at you with speculation in those green eyes,

“Hey Sam, how come we didn’t think to stop by the store to get supplies?” you glanced down at your torn and bloody outfit, and grimaced.

_I must look like shit right now._

Sam looked over the open trunk door at you and knitted his brows together,

“l’d be happy to take you in the morning, you can wear some of my clothes tonight.” _Oh._

“Okay-um. . . ” you weren’t sure how to finish that sentence, so he nodded at you before adding with sincere eyes,

“And you can stay here as long as you need to , no one’s kicking you out anytime soon.” all your face would do was stare with widened eyes.

_I could live in an actual house? Why is he being so nice to me?_

Up until now you’d come to terms with becoming the old woman who has always been alone in the trailer park, that would someday be found rotting in her tiny twin bed. No one has ever shown you this much kindness.

“Hey kid,” Dean snapped you back to reality, “I’ll let you pick a room, you’ll probably want to shower.” A shower sounded heavenly, but you had to address Sam’s hospitality in some way before starting through the doors with Dean.

So you waltzed up to Sam quickly before you could change your mind, and wrapped your arms around the tallest man. He stiffened at first, probably caught a little off guard, then cautiously circled his arms loosely around your shoulders. You felt a tiny bit of familiar panic rise deep in your belly, but worked to battle it back down,

“Thank you,” the words were muffled into his chest, and he squeezed you a little harder, “No one has ever been this nice to me before.” there was a rumble in his chest that must have been a pained sigh, and you were surprised in how satisfying it felt against your cheek.

You fully relaxed against him and inhaled his masculine spicy scent, he squeezed you more firmly and you couldn’t help but feel safe with him. You noticed that as soon as you made the tiniest move to pull away he released his hold quickly, cautious of your boundaries.

When you looked up into his eyes, they were blown full of the most honest level of compassion and sympathy you’d ever seen on someone’s face. It really threw you off, for a second.

Not used to that level of tenderness, you averted your eyes to the trunk that he’d been rummaging around in.

Quick as the flick of a light switch, renewed crippling fear rushed at you with enough force to knock the wind from your lungs.

You stumbled back on shaky legs from the car that was overflowing with weapons of varying degrees. Half of them you could swear that you’ve never seen before, but they all looked menacing and very deadly.

Which is exactly how the man who just held you appeared to you now.

Sam’s features contorted into confusion while he watched your breathing became ragged, and extended a long arm only to steady you. But your body naturally jerked away from his touch,

“ , are you okay?” came an alarmed voice over your right shoulder, you flinched away from it with a yelp. “Hey, _hey_. . . Calm down-Sam shut the trunk!” the sudden loud bark had you jumping out of your skin, and you took to an unfamiliar hallway in a sprint.

Your mind played a familiar tune while the sound of your shoes slapping on the concrete increased in frequency.

_Run. Run. Run. If they catch you they kill you. Run. Run. RUN!_

You couldn’t stop the voice from singing.

The sound of heavy boots pursuing you wrenched a dry sob from your chest, but you ran on. Adrenaline and pure panic prevented your body from slowing, but they were closing in on you quickly. You took an abrupt left turn and only saw a stone wall at the end of the hallway. A dead end.

Since you were already halfway down the hall, there was no way you could turn back before they got to you.

On cue their massive shadows fell over you and darkened the hallway further, you spun around to face them. They made no move toward you, knowing that you had nowhere to go. Dean spoke,

“Hey now, everything’s alright. We’re trying to help you , I’m gonna give you the chance to walk over here on your own.” his strong steady voice reminded you of where you actually were. _They aren’t trying to hurt me._

“No one’s going to hurt you here,” Sam spoke just as softly, reassuring you with heartfelt eyes. Feeling slightly embarrassed, you let out a breath you had been holding, and reasoned with yourself while watching the perplexed men.

_They wouldn’t hurt me, I know that already._

So with small shaky steps you made your way back down the hall, and stopped only a few feet from them. They still didn’t move, but it was clear that Sam and Dean were relieved to see that you’d managed to calm yourself down,

“I’m sorry. . . That was stupid of me.” you looked away, “M-my brain just panicked when I saw the weapons and something inside me just took over I guess. . .” with a furrowed brow you looked back up to them and saw Sam’s features had softened further, while Dean still looked mildly sceptical.

“It’s alright  , don’t apologize. You’ve had a long day. Let’s just get you some clean clothes, good food, and a warm bed.” Sam suggested. Even though he sounded tired himself, “Does that sound good?”

He extended his hand to you, as if you were a toddler and you brushed past an extremely tense Dean Winchester to take it. Sam’s huge hand wrapped around yours gently, and now seeking comfort, you moved even closer to the big man.

 _What the hell is wrong with me._ Your eyes welled, concerned about your sanity. He lead you back down the dimly lit stone hallway, to a new one with three doors lining each side.

“I promise I’m not always this way,” you said it more for yourself, but since they still seemed tense you also wanted them to know that they hadn’t just invited an irreversibly damaged girl into their home, “I just need some time to take all of this in, I think.” _I hope._

“Oh, anything you can dish out, we’ve either seen worse or _been_ worse.,” Dean grumbled behind you. That relaxed a little more at the comment, thank the heavens they don’t think I’m completely nuts. Sam pointed to the furthest door on the wall opposite you,

“That’s Dean’s room,” then he gestured to the door one down from it, “this is my room. You can have any of these other four you want.” a beat of silence passed, you touched the door next to you, opposite theirs,

“Um I’ll take this one in between you two,” you blushed although you weren’t totally sure why, and Sam’s attractive grin only deepened your shade of red. Dean broke the tension,

“Right. Well you hop in the shower and we’ll have clothes and a towel waiting for you outside the bathroom door for when you get out.” You nodded eagerly at the prospect of a shower and Sam opened the door to your new room. As an afterthought he added, “the kitchen is just at the end of the hall, we’ll be in there when you're ready.”

He shot you a smile that melted your insides, before turning on his heel toward the kitchen.

“We’ll leave you to it then,” Sam said with a short polite nod and he too started down the hallway. You watched them disappear around the corner before hurrying into the room, eager to start the shower.

 _Holy hell this_ room _is bigger than my trailer!_

You had a queen sized bed in the corner, which was a huge upgrade from your twin. And a closet! And a dresser! And unlimited hot water!

_Yeah I could get used to this, I think._

 

Winchester POV

“Sam you know what I’m gonna say,” Dean started as soon as they made it to the big main room.

“I know Dean. . She’s worse off than we originally thought but-”

“Yeah, she’s a friggin head-case man!” he shook his head and snagged some honey colored whiskey from the table, “I mean she’s jumping at every tiny movement we make. I can’t handle being studied all the damn time!”

Sam shook his head and stared at the table looking lost in thought,

“She just needs help,” Sam spoke softly, “I don’t like it anymore than you- but I can’t be the one who throws her back out on the street when this is all said and done.”

“Then I’ll do it.” Dean snapped, “She’s sure as hell not our problem, this isn't a friggen halfway house.” he turned away and took a swig from his glass, “This life wouldn’t be good for her. . . And she _cries_ all the time.” he grimaced disgustedly.

“Dean, she’s just a scared girl, okay?” he sighed harshly, “and don’t pretend like you don’t care about her either, anyone else you would’ve gutted in the road back there for crashing your car.”

“I _don’t_ care about her, I mean we don’t even know her!” he was getting loud, but he was still lying.

“Keep your voice down, Jesus,” Sam reached for the glass his brother had filled for him, “Maybe training would help her gain some confidence.” then he added lightly,“I hate dealing with tears as much as you do.” Dean grunted humorously at that but held his ground,

“We aren’t training her.”

“Come on, who knows how long she’ll be here. Do you really want her cringing every time you speak?” he had a point there, “I mean- it could take months to take down Dick.”

“Sam. . .” Dean groaned sourly,

“I’m not saying we take her on hunts, I’m just saying there’s no harm in teaching her a little self-defense.” he sat back hard in his wooden chair and took a hefty gulp of whiskey, “You know what, I don’t care if you help or not. I’m training her.”

Dean slowly looked up at his brother, with a half lidded gaze and a grin,

“Okay have fun with that. I’ll be shocked if she lets you get anywhere near her.”

“She wants to learn, I’m not gonna refuse to let her make her own choices.” Sam always went back to that in the end. Whatever the other person wanted, whether it was good for them or not.

“Fine. We’ll fucking train her.” Dean downed the rest of his glass and stood up to head for the kitchen. He changed the subject,

“So what did Cas say to you about me, then?” Sam shifted in and blinked trying to think of the best way to phrase his answer,

“He told me that it I needed to keep an eye on you. . . That he could tell that the Mark is making you more violent.” Dean was quiet in the kitchen and Sam couldn’t see his expression, “He’s right though Dean. It’s changing you.”

“I’m fine Sam,” his tone was hard, “I just need it until I take down Metatron, and then we’ll get rid of the thing.” he paused, “Was that it?”

“Well he said to keep away from you, but I don’t think that’s really a problem.”

“You’re right it’s not.” he growled defensively, “I was just pissed about my ride.” Sam could tell Dean was worried though, something wasn’t right and they both knew it. Even more reason to train .

“Where the hell is Cas anyway? He said he’d be here.” Sam looked around like he was expecting the Angel to appear at his words,

“Oh you know Cas. He probably has something better to do than take care of Princess Jumpy all night” Dean chuckled at his dumb joke. Pots and pans were clanking together in the kitchen as Dean went about cooking dinner for three.

“I don’t know man, did you see the way they were looking at each other?” Sam gave a mystified snort, “I mean it was really strange. . . ”

“I don’t blame him, she’s actually pretty hot. . . You know when she’s not having a panic attack. I mean she’s got that long (h/c) hair, and a _rockin_ body, ” Dean poked his head out from around the stone pillar next to the kitchen, and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, “and she’s a virgin, Sammy.” Dean blew out a low whistling breath at the idea, and Sam choked on his whiskey,

“Come on don’t be gross dude!” his brow furrowed, “Wait how could you possibly know that?”

Dean’s laugh echoed through the big stone room,

“She freaking _told_ me! It was an accident of course, but still she told me.”

“Huh. Well remind me to never take her on any dragon cases.” Sam deadpanned shamelessly,

“That’s what _I_ said!” Dean yelled over the new sound of sizzling food. Then he added mischievously, “But hey, give me a week and we can take her on all the dragon cases we want.”

“Dean!” now it was Sam’s turn to unleash a boisterous laugh. Soon they were carrying on lighthearted brotherly banter like they didn’t have a care in the world, it was a flashback to simpler times when they would prank each other and fight over girls.

They almost didn’t notice tiptoe into the big room, wearing nothing but one of Sams flannels that reached just past her knees.

“Hey guys. Wow, something smells good.” she smiled warmly and it took Sam a little off guard, he hadn’t seen her this relaxed.

“That would be steak and potatoes, Sugar” Dean piped up from around the corner, Sam stifled a smile at picturing his brothers reaction when he saw what the girl was wearing.

She plopped down into the big chair next to Sam and folded her legs indian style, taking care to tuck the material between her thighs to obstructs Sam’s view. When he realized he was actually staring, he jolted forward and shoved a glass her way.

“How was your shower?” he asked nonchalantly.

“ _Sooo_ good, oh my god I can’t remember the last time I had water pressure like that.” Sam smirked at how that comment could have come off as dirty and silently thanked the heavens that his brother was out of the room for the moment.

“Want some?” he shook the whiskey bottle at her enticingly, and he was rewarded with another gorgeous smile. He boiled at the thought of anyone hurting that beautiful face.

“I’m eighteen remember?” she giggled shyly but accepted the bottle,

“How could I forget?” he was chuckling, but noticed she froze staring at the bottle halfway to tipped in the glass, and only then did he realize what that would've sounded like to her, “Oh shit , I didn’t mean-like that!” he quickly tried to patch up the situation, her eyes flicked to his.

They were no longer as relaxed as they were a moment ago. The bottle was still suspended in the air,

“I’ve had a lot more of this crap than usual is all.” he all but tossed his glass on the table, and to his shame the noise caused her to startle in the chair.

Dean waltzed in carrying to plates piled with steamy food with a huge smile on his face, but the atmosphere in the room made him pause.

“Oh for fuck sake, what is it now?” he had lost what little patience he had for the night. Sam was about to bitch at Dean for being so rude, but to his surprise she spoke first.

“Oh it’s nothing,” she wiggled her tiny body a little as if to physically shake out the nerves, and finally finished pouring her drink. She surprised everyone further by shooting Dean a shy smile,

“I hope that’s for me,” she eyed the food. That was all the eldest brother needed to ignore Sam’s fuck up and finish the journey to the table. When he set the food down the girl immediately started popping red potato chunks in her mouth. “Holy shit, this beats TV dinners by a mile.” she groaned and shut her eyes while she chewed.

Dean gave a throaty laugh and went back to the kitchen for his brothers plate.

Sam was still reeling over his slip, trying to think of ways to make it up to her. But at the same time he couldn’t deny that was cute, she reminded him of his long lost college days and he’d be lying if he said that even the way she was eating right now wasn’t turning him on a bit.

Jesus he was going to hell. Again.

“So Sammy here thinks it would be a good idea to train you after all,” Dean was back from the kitchen, “Whaddaya think? You still up for it?” her mouth was full of pink steak, the juices were dribbling down her chin and both men had to look away. But she didn’t notice.

“Mmhmm,” she agreed with a full mouth, nodding aggressively. She was eating like she hadn’t in days, Dean thought that might actually be the case.

“Super. We’ll give you a day or so to relax, then we’ll get started.” he shoved a huge helping of steak into his mouth, but continued speaking anyway, “Is your room okay?”

“Oh yes everything is perfect, thank you guys.” she said earnestly, Dean’s eyes flicked to her shirt and her gaze followed, “I am excited to get new clothes though, these ones smell too much like man.” she giggled and he saw her face redden again.

God that blush would be the death of him. . .

When she was finished Dean took her plate and she excused herself for the night. Both brothers heard her footsteps turn to running once she was in the hallway and out of view. Dean rolled his eyes and dropped the plates back down with a clatter.

“What the hell did you do?” Sam actually smiled at the accusation,

“Nothing! I mean I _barely_ hit on her, pretty much not even at all,” he was laughing deeply now, “she just like- _froze_.” A smile split Dean’s features,

“Dammit Sam,” he was chuckling now too, “at least she was able to push past it, something tells me she’ll be as good as new after a goodnight’s sleep.”

 

 

 

Your POV

You closed your door and locked it.

Being alone in the bedroom allowed you to relax slightly, and you contemplated taking another shower since that calmed you down so well the first time.

_He didn’t even say anything bad, I’m just overreacting._

You shook it off and told yourself you were being stupid. Alcohol brings out the worst in people, you knew that.

And if Sam Winchester’s worst was lightly coming on to you by _accident_ you decided you were golden.

The bed was so soft and you enveloped yourself in the giant comforter happily. _I’m so ready to actually get some sleep._ But like usual, as soon as you closed your eyes images of Jason crowded out from your memory.

You allowed yourself to believe once again that you were in some sort of danger, and the feeling had you curling tightly into yourself under the blanket. _That son of a bitch ruined me._

Your hand traveled down to a permanent scar on your hip and you bitterly recalled how you had received it. Jason had seen a random guy being extra kind to you one night at the truck stop, so when you came home he let you have it.

He had been so drunk that he actually held you down and carved his name into your side, but he missed a letter. So what you were stuck with was _JASN_  forever marring that spot on your body. Every time you thought of that night, you couldn’t escape the memory of the pain.

Sometimes you would dream about it and your subconscious forced you to relive every horrifying second of it. _I was never strong enough to stop him. . . Always too weak._

“,” a deep voice came from the darkness.

You screamed with surprise and scrambled up until you were sitting firmly against the cold rough wall.

“Jason?” you squeaked, thinking you were dreaming again.

“No. . .Castiel.” he stepped into the beam of moonlight coming over your shoulder from the window. Your entire body relaxed.

_It’s the Angel. . . Thank God._

“Oh hi. . I’m sorry you scared me a little,” _how embarrassing,_

“So I am aware,” he squinted at you, “you seem otherwise troubled.”

“N-no” you started to lie to him but realized it would be pointless, “I’m just thinking about some crap that happened a long time ago. . . I guess I never really got over it.” he nodded and squinted at you through the dark,

“I understand it is customary for one to desire company during troubling times, correct?” you only blinked at him so he asked you more straightforwardly, “Would you like some company?” he ducked his head to be level with your gaze, and approached the bed.

Had it have been anyone else you would have cracked a lamp over his head by now, but for some reason you did not fear the Angel at all.

So you nodded at him.

Castiel was now touching the covers, and he pursed his lips in an adorable fashion before making the executive decision to flip them open.

“May I?” he questioned sincerely, you cleared your throat.

“Um y-yes, I mean sure,” with a nod he sat on the mattress and turned to face you still fully dressed in his trench coat. You were still against the wall, not even thinking of moving when he reached out and squeezed gently your hand once.

He was going off the few movies he’d sat through with Dean and Sam, and hoped this method of comfort was acceptable in this situation.

He moved to lay down, while still facing you and you copied him unsure of what he expected.

All you wanted was to be held. To feel safe again, like he made you feel on the road that morning. Like Sam had in the garage earlier. That feeling was so new to you, that you were afraid it would never happen again.

Without looking away from your eyes, Castiel extended his arm again, and firmly grasped your waist. Still no fear. After a moment, he gently, but with unyielding strength, pulled you toward him until he had you pressed into his hard chest and caged in his arms protectively.

You waited, but still you were not afraid. Not in the slightest.

Your head was nuzzled under his chin and it rested on his arm. You curled up, snuggling into his chest and breathing in that wonderfully relaxing scent of his.

“Is this alright?” he grumbled, “you seem to be at ease.” you were. Completely at ease.

“Yes,” it was a whisper into his tie. You even found that your eyelids were drooping and you might actually fall asleep with this stranger.

“I assure you, it would be safe to fall asleep if you wish. I will watch over you.” he answered your thoughts and you nodded sleepily, wondering idly how much the Angel had experienced in his existence. If your worries seemed petty and childish, compared to what he’s seen through time.

“Yes,” he answered your unspoken worry, and you felt a sharp pang of embarrassment mixed with shame. But then he said, “however if it results in this much grief, it must have been important to you. Humans are a complicated species, and you possess emotion that still puzzles me. But it is the surplus of perplexing emotions that make you just that,” he paused for a moment thinking, then said simply,

“Human.”

the sentiment brought tears to your eyes and you sank deeper into his warmth, attempting to hide them.

“Have I troubled you again?” he sounded exasperated, and caused you to giggle against him.

“No. God no. Just the opposite. I needed to hear that” he waited and you giggled again, “you’re making me happy Castiel.”

“I see,” was all he said. “

Don’t leave please?” you yawned at him, and adjusted your head on his arm.

 _I can’t remember the last time I felt so safe._ In Castiel’s embrace, your mind was completely at peace,

“I will not go anywhere,” he assured you with that gravelly voice of his. _Thank you Castiel._ You thought at him, while you drifted off.

His chest rumbled with a low hum, and you cascaded into the deepest, most comfortable sleep since your mother died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay Castiel cuddles! I have a feeling training with the Winchesters will make you feel strong :)


	5. Tough Love, Babe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You don't take Hunter's training very well at first, mostly due to the fact that Dean's teaching method is a little unorthodox. However once you're able to listen to the brother's it begins to work out.
> 
> The ultimate secret of your past is revealed to Castiel, when he comes to comfort you late at night, and despite his advice, you don't tell the brothers about it until it almost ruins you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is really long, I couldn't cram enough stuff in it apparently. . . But I promise there will be more fluff with the Winchesters once the reader reveals her secrets! 
> 
> The story line takes a break for this chapter, but I promise it will start going somewhere next chapter. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Just like Sam said he would last night, he took you to the store right after a huge breakfast.

“We can tell it’s been awhile since you’ve eaten anything of substance,” Dean had informed you. _Oh. I’ll take that as a compliment I guess?_ He was right though.

For the majority of life on your own it had been tv dinners and hot pockets, the only thing keeping you fit were your late night jogs. You were probably skin and bones by now.

The drive to the store was quiet, but you were surprised that you didn’t mind it.

Sam had apologized to you again for his minor slip up at dinner the night before, and you found it easy to believe that the man was nothing to be worried about for now. He was actually sort of cute in a strange puppy like way, which totally contradicted his giant stature, and you decided that out of the two brothers he was least likely to attack you spontaneously.

You were still wearing the oversized plaid shirt, since Dean thoughtlessly threw your old clothes in their trash chute, and you wondered what people would see when they looked at you.

Hair ratted up, no make up, no shoes, barely any clothing, following around an intimidating man. _Not exactly foreign soil to me I guess. . ._

Still, you had nothing from your old life, no one to care where you disappeared to, but even though the opportunity was there to reinvent yourself. . . You couldn’t think of anyone else to be.

 _If momma could see me now._ That thought stung, and you winced a fraction while staring out the window at the light rain.

The engine shutting off snapped you out of your daze,

“You alright ?” Sam was looking at you with worry lines imprinted between his eyebrows, and you fidgeted next to him in the seat trying to seem as nonchalant as possible,

“Yeah, just thinking about some things is all. . .” you forced a laugh and jerked your hand up to your hair, a nervous tick that you’d had all your life. Sam recognized it though, and gently covered your thigh with his hand, ignoring when your jumped a little at his touch,

“You can talk to me or Dean about anything if you need to, we’ve both been where you are a time or two.” you stared at his warm hand on your leg and whispered quietly your words almost being drowned out by the rain clicking on the metal roof,

“Where am I Sam?” you turned to look up at the kind giant, and saw that same disarming compassion that you saw the night before when you’d hugged. His hand squeezed firmly on your thigh three distinct times and your mind drifted to when your mother would do the exact same thing to you.

For her three squeezes meant love, for him it was probably only coincidence, but it had your heart swelling anyway.

“I’ll help you find out,” his gaze held yours and it was full of promise. You only nodded in response since words were failing you, and he withdrew his hand to dig around in his pocket. Producing a crumpled list, he handed it to you and said,

“I need to grab some other stuff in here, but these are the main things you’ll need.” glancing over it you found things scribbled across it like, _sturdy boots, thick jacket, jeans, shampoo, hair brush. . ._ Among a ton of other things.

 You smiled thinking that he thought of everything, then he added, “Of course you can buy whatever else you want.” Following his lead, you both hurried through the light drizzle.

You found that you practically had to jog to keep up with his long strides, but you made it through the doors with his arm protectively draped across your shoulders,

“If you need me, I’ll either be in produce or buying ammo.” Sam gave you a gentle squeeze and left you with your list.

_God he is so nice._

You silently thanked the heavens that he was going to give you privacy while you shopped, and decided you would get the bras, panties, and tampons out of the way first thing before he rejoined you.

While you threw clothes in the cart you pondered your encounter with Dean this morning, and wondered if he was serious about teaching you to fight. You kicked yourself for challenging them in the car last night.

 

 

 _“S-_ sparring _?” your stutter was back with the nerves. Dean chuckled lightly and you flinched when he clapped your shoulder roughly,_

 _“You’ll be fine , nothin like a few bruises to make you feel like a warrior.”_ yeah or feel completely destroyed, I can’t fight this guy! _“Now let’s get some food in ya, and Sammy’ll take you shopping.” he turned on his heel, and you followed him to the kitchen like he expected you to._

_You couldn’t help but notice how broad his shoulders were, or the way his muscles rippled under his gray t-shirt, or the fact that he probably had like 100 pounds on you._

_“What if I just helped you guys with research and stuff? I don’t need to learn how to_ fight _or anything. . .” when he didn’t say anything right away, some hope blossomed._

 _“Not a chance, you said you wanted us to train you. No take backs sugar.”_ Great.

 _“What kind of fighting?” your voice was betraying your attempts at acting casual about the whole thing. Please say tickle fighting._ That’s about the only type I can handle right now. _All he did was grin and shake his head knowingly in response._

Fucking great.

 

 

That had you pushing against the familiar feeling of fear in the women’s workout section, while you wondered what type of outfit you should pick for sparring with someone.

Every time Jason beat you, you were just wearing regular clothes.

_What types of clothes would’ve been more comfortable for me during his rages?_

You knew your whole thought process was totally warped, but it worked because you decided on black stretchy leggings that cut off mid calve, a fitted tank top, and a peach colored jacket that felt like it was made from spandex.

It was the most un-revealing ensemble ever, but you were okay with that for now. However there was a part of you that wished you could be the girl who could grab the spandex short shorts with a sports bra and call it an outfit.

_In another life maybe, but the day I find a full body turtleneck to wear is the day that I’m a happy girl._

Yet another thing that Justin ruined about you.

“How’s it going?” Sam’s voice made you jump and collide with the cart,

“Sorry,” you laughed nervously, “Um good I just need shoes now I think.” he studied you for a moment before finally nodding,

“Yeah you’ll need sturdy boots and comfortable running shoes for sure, other than that anything else you want.” Flip flops and Vans most definately.

“Thank you for all this,” you gestured to the heaping cart, and he smiled genuinely,

“Well as much as Dean likes it, we can’t have you wearing our shirts everyday.” _Wait, what?_

“D-Dean?” Sam probably took your behavior as fear, but for once you were actually having a normal reaction to a smoking hot guy liking the way you look. _Dean thinks I’m attractive? No way!_

“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” Sam started to apologize again but you cut him off with a huge grin and a wave of your hand,

“No, no! I’m fine, it’s really okay-” you stopped talking when you saw Sam’s expression turn into one of surprise. A smile split his features and he nodded with a deep laugh,

“Alright let’s get your shoes and get out of here.”

“Sounds good,” you gratefully accepted his change in subject and finished shopping. Sam carried on friendly conversation with you all the while, and you found your defenses lowering with him slowly but surely.

He seemed like a genuinely good person to you, one of the few you’d met in your lifetime, and soon you were openly laughing and speaking freely with him for the first time since your kidnapping.

When he put his arm around you in the parking lot on the way back to the Impala, you didn’t flinch, in fact you didn’t even _think_ about flinching that time. He slammed the squeaky driver side door closed and managed to ask through his laughter,

“Okay so let me get this straight, you have a goldfish named Joe Pesci back home? And _that_ was your biggest concern when we took you?” he shook his head and started up the engine,

“Well no, he was in the back of my mind though,” you giggled, “he came in a close second to general concerns for my life and what you two were planning on doing.” despite the weight of the comment, you and Sam continued to carry on happily.

“I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time,” you admitted still smiling at him, “thank you for today Sam.”

“Well it isn’t over yet, you still have a lot ahead of you.” he reminded you with a slightly serious tone. The Impala was pulling into the garage, and only then did you remember what was waiting for you in the bunker.

You still had to spar with Dean.

“Oh yeah. . .” just like that you rebuilt your protective barrier, and you tensed up a little in the seat. Sam was already unpacking the car seemingly unperturbed by your change in attitude,

“Why don’t you go get changed and we’ll be waiting for you back here in the garage.” _We’ll?_

“Both of you?” Sam glance back at you while you worked to keep up with him through the hallway,

“Yeah we’re both training you,” he said matter of factly,

“D-do I have to _fight_ both of you?” _Damn that nervous stutter._ He pushed open your door and set the bags on your bed, before turning to face you,

“Yeah that’s part of it,” he nodded. You looked up at him and felt the blood drain from your face, Sam was even bigger than his brother. You quickly looked to the floor and began kneading your hands together, trying and failing not to think about how easily he could hurt you.

“Oh okay then,” a huge hand came down on your shoulder and squeezed,

“It’s gonna be fine , this is just part of the training.” despite his gentle tone you couldn’t bring yourself to meet his eyes again. He sighed softly,

“See you in a few minutes.” With that he walked out of the room noiselessly, leaving you with your new clothes. _A few minutes? Oh God I can’t do this._

A feeling similar to the one you always get before going to the doctor grew in your belly, but it was worse because now you knew for sure you were getting a shot.

So you took your time putting on your outfit, and instead of the tennis shoes Sam bought you, you just put on your light blue vans searching for some sense of normalcy. You realized you’d forgotten hair ties, so you only ran a brush through your (h/c) hair and left it down.

Unpacking your things could have waited, but you were dead set on dragging this out so you put away your new clothes. Then you stocked your bathroom with all of the things Sam got you, and even took some time folding your new towels.

All of this must have taken a solid half an hour, but you still desperately searched for something else that needed to be done. But it was time. Taking a deep shaky breath, you opened your door and started the too-short journey to the gigantic garage, still not entirely sure what to expect.

Timidly walking through the doorway your gaze zeroed in on the two brothers leaning casually against the Impala staring back at you.

 _Last chance to run. . . Take it!_ Your brain was screaming at you. When they pushed off of the car to greet you, you did take a few steps back into the hall although they were already about 30 yards away.

“We were wondering if we’d have to drag you out here,” Dean was smiling, but you were still on edge. The Winchesters were still wearing their normal clothes, jeans but instead of three layers of jackets and shirts piled on they only had black t-shirts. You wondered aloud,

“Why didn’t you change?” God your voice was shaking already, and you could tell by their faces that they heard it too,

“This is what something is going to attack me in, so this is what I wear when I fight.” _Fight._ There it was, the thing that you were afraid of.

Dean watched you wrap your arms around yourself, and he patted the hood of his car.

“Have a seat short stuff, you’re gonna watch Sam and me go first.”

“Kay,” you naturally shied away from Dean when you passed and had to hop to get on the car, then you slid back until you could lean against the windshield comfortably to watch them.

Dean and Sam were already in the middle of the open garage, and were calmly circling around each other like you’d seen tigers do. Their postures were different than usual though, they looked relaxed on the outside, but you knew they were both ready for whatever was coming.

Coiled like springs, predators at rest.

You jumped when Dean struck out first, his sudden movement catching you off guard. Sam quickly dodged his deadly fist with blurring speed, and you wondered how a man that size could move so quickly.

He retaliated with an attack of his own, which was easily blocked by Dean who grabbed his arm and pulled him in for a crushing knee to the stomach. Sam didn’t fall though, he trapped Dean’s leg with one arm and brought his elbow down into his brother’s side, then dropped the leg and moved back swiftly.

Dean didn’t look affected from the blow, and got right back into position, you could feel the determination in his glare from where you sat. He faked left and smashed his killer fist into Sam’s jaw drawing only a grunt from the youngest Winchester, who moved in quickly and began grappling violently with Dean. He drove his knee savagely into Dean’s stomach once, twice, three times before Dean broke away from his hold and drove another solid punch to Sam’s face.

Neither seemed fazed by pain, they were totally wrapped up in the dance, and in no time there was blood and the smell of sweat evident in the room.

You were terrified.

Your stomach was rolling at the sight of blood and their brutal violence, but you couldn’t tear your gaze away from them. They were all muscle and pent up anger, colliding loudly with each other, the sound of skin hitting skin coupled with furious growls and pained grunts filled your ears and you wanted so badly to block out the sounds with your hands.

This had to be the most violent thing you’d ever seen, Jason included.

A sheen of sweat was evident on both men, and their breathing had only started to become labored after what felt like hours of watching them fight.

_I can’t do anything like this._

Your breathing picked up as your panic increased and you drew your knees up to your chest, wondering how long it would take for you to die going one round with either of them. _Not long._

Somehow Dean managed to get Sam into a headlock from behind, and you thought it would finally be over. Sam however managed to flip Dean over his shoulder and throw him powerfully to the concrete ground, with a vibrating impact. He wasted no time in climbing over him to deliver two echoing punches straight to his face, causing you to wince on the cold metal of the car. Dean however surprised you again by driving a solid blow to Sam’s stomach and throwing him off.

He rose swiftly to his feet and without hesitation kicked Sam in the ribs while he was down.

Dean wiped at the cut on his lip inspecting the blood that rubbed off,

“I win,” he laughed cheerily, while Sam heaved himself off the ground. To your increasing shock, Sam too was grinning widely,

“This time,” he agreed. You startled against the window when Dean’s gaze met yours,

“That means I’m first,” he was still speaking to Sam but then raised his voice a fraction toward you, “Hop off Baby and get over here, it’s your turn.” _No way._ Before you knew it your head was moving from side to side, and you scrambled back when Dean marched over to you.

He looked irritated at your obvious fear and without hesitation latched onto your ankle and pulled you roughly toward him, a high pitched screech ripped from your throat.

White hot panic coiled in your insides and you flipped onto your belly, clawing at the hood of his car in desperation,

“Dean please don’t hurt me!” you begged him when his steel arms closed around your waist from behind. He lifted you effortlessly and carried your thrashing form to where they had just finished killing each other, only to drop you heavily on the concrete.

You curled in on yourself and lifted a shaking hand like it would stop him,

“Get up.” he growled.

“N- _no_!” you were sobbing pathetically into your knees, so afraid of pain. “I don’t want to do this anymore!” your cry echoed off of the walls, and you cringed inward when he squatted next to you.  _“No take backs sugar.”_  

“How about this,” his voice was full of controlled anger, “if you don’t get up right now and defend yourself, I’ll just start beating you anyway.”

“Dean _please_!” you wailed brokenly.

“Dean. . .” Sam’s voice was filled with concern, like it had been on the road,

“Can it Sammy, I’m fine!” he barked over his shoulder. You flinched away from him when he stood, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do the same,

“You have five seconds to get your ass up ,” you were frozen, the worst case scenario was actually playing out now, and there was nothing you could do to stop it. You had counted to three before you resolved and uncoiled yourself, but only to avoid impending pain for as long as you could.

“Please dont. .” you whimpered as you rose up in front of him,

“There we go,” he grumbled down at you. Your entire body was shaking visibly, and you were squeezing yourself so tightly the your knuckles were white on your arms. You looked over at Sam leaning on the car, he was watching intently, but from past experience you knew you couldn’t count on him to intervene if this got out of hand.

“Now hit me.” Your watery (e/c) eyes snapped up to his, you were sure you heard him wrong,

“W-what?”

“You heard me. Get rid of that stutter, quit cryin', and hit me,” he nodded, “as hard as you can.”

“But you’ll hit me back. .” your voice was so small, and his response made the blood drain from your face,

“I’ll hit you anyway, so you might as well get a good one in,” he seemed dangerously calm, but you detected a small familiar-looking tremble coursing through his body.

Excitement.

You looked over to Sam pleadingly, “don’t look at him look at me.” he snapped.

You took a step back and shook your head, when he matched your step your panic grew, You whimpered quietly, not even sure if he heard you. His hands flashed out with that quickness that scared you, and locked around your shoulders.

“HIT ME!” his deep voice boomed in your face, startling you enough that your hand flashed up instinctively, and you gathered up enough strength to slap him. Despite feeling like you hit him as hard as you could have, the blow didn’t even turn his head a little.

Dean just looked down at you with narrowed darkened green eyes, and released your shoulders with a shove that had you stumbling backward.

“Alright, you got the first one out of the way. Now let’s get serious,” he took on the posture that both brothers had during the beginning of their fight and you knew you were done for. He began to pace around you like he had Sam, and you put both hands up pleadingly,

“Please I can’t do this, I can’t-”

“Well you better try Princess, or this is gonna be a long night for you.” his voice was low, and you could see him reading your every movement.

The tears you’d been fighting finally spilled over, and your breath hitched in your chest with a helpless sob. He was slowly closing in on you and in a last ditch attempt to get out of this you turned to run from him.

Dean saw the movement before you even fully realized what you were doing and knocked your feet out from under you with a lazy swipe of his leg.

Your breath whooshed out of your lungs when you hit the floor, and Dean gave you no time to get it back before he was on you.

The only defense you knew of was to freeze, so that’s exactly what you did. You froze up on your belly beneath Dean, and hoped that he would become disinterested in you like a cat would a dead mouse.

His strong hand gripped your arm and using very little of his strength he flipped you over so his face was inches from yours,

“You can’t run from this ,” he told you in a surprisingly soft voice, “the only way to get away from fear is to challenge it head on.” he studied your tearful face for a moment before adding,

“Fight me. You’ll never stop being scared if you don’t.”

“I can’t. . .” your voice was raw, and you sniveled, his eyes narrowed at how pathetic you sounded.

_Always to weak. Never strong enough._

So fast you would have never seen it coming, he sat back on your stomach and brought the back of his hand down hard across your face. The impact made you scream, and it snapped your head to the side.

He jerked your face back up with the other hand and did it again, that time you were seeing stars.

“Fight !” something buried deep inside of your soul stirred, and you felt it like sparks in your head.

Dean delivered another blinding slap to your cheek, and the thing woke up completely. Without fully realizing what you were doing, your fist drove itself straight into Dean’s groin drawing a low growl from the man.

He doubled over in pain, and you scrambled out from under him trying to blink the blurry spots from your vision. While he was still clutching himself, you saw your opportunity to plant a kick to his face and you took it, momentarily forgetting to be afraid.

You expected him to fall back from your kick, but on the contrary he swiftly got to his feet with a huge grin on his face.

“There she is,” he grumbled approvingly while you shakily got to your feet, “now show us what you got.” he beckoned you forward with his hand in a come and get it motion and you moved toward him before you could think better of it.

He watched you closely and when you finally worked up the nerve to throw a punch he blocked it and grabbed your arm just like he’d done to Sam. You braced for the knee to the stomach but had a sudden idea.

Instead of letting him knee you, you spun around to let your free elbow fly into the side of his face.

He released your arm then, and chuckled darkly to himself while wiping away blood from his re-split lip,

“Not bad kiddo,” and then he was moving toward you again, this time he was initiating the violence and you had begun to feel that poisonous fear again.

“Wait-”

“Monsters don’t wait,” he growled and punched you hard in the stomach, you were sure you just got hit by a wrecking ball and that there was no air left in the room.

His elbow came down on your back and you fell to your knees gasping for air and the strength to get away, but before you could recover he was behind you. His arm wrapped around your throat from behind and squeezed constricting around your airways.

You frantically clawed at his arms, and tried to scream for Sam but a high whine was the only thing that came out.

“Hey hey calm down, you can get out of this.” Dean’s breath was right on your ear, “Relax and stop struggling.” You did,

“Good now turn your face away from my elbow.” It took a lot of work but you managed to follow his direction, “Okay now reach back and push up on my nose with your fingers, it’ll push me backward and you can duck out of my grip.”

You had to feel around his face until you found his nose, but when you did it didn’t take long to push away from him and sprawl out onto the floor.

“Get up.” he commanded gruffly. You complied, not wanting a replay of what happened last time you refused him.

“I don’t think I can do anymore,” you were still out of breath and frankly a sweaty mess, so you were relieved when he just smiled and said,

“It’s alright, I’m actually just gonna teach you some basics now.” _Then what the hell was all that?_

Looking at Dean, you could see he was a little out of breath, but not from exertion. There was something else going on in his eyes, you caught them piercing through you with the promise of brutality that made you want to disappear.

Then Dean was shaking it off a second later. _“Dean. . . away from her. . . dangerous. . .”_ Castiel’s words once again made themselves known.

There was something very wrong.

Dean showed you many different methods of how to properly block a punch, how to get out of headlocks, how incapacitate someone with your minimal strength and how to disarm someone under certain circumstances.

He also taught you how to take someone down, besides just a good old fashioned tackle, and of course all of the sensitive points on the human body he could think of at the moment.

During his teachings you found yourself becoming more comfortable with the idea of violence directed toward you. You were still scared, but not cripplingly so.

However you couldn’t help but notice that as the training went on, Dean was becoming increasingly rough with you and you could almost see a mental battle happening within the man. He honestly looked like he was having a hard time restraining himself at times, and that made you nervous.

“We never want you to start a fight,” Sam reminded you with a hint of warning, “we only want you to be able defend yourself if someone attacks you.”

“Yeah he’s right,” Dean agreed seeming a little breathless again, “now practice what you know on Sam.”

You were grateful to get away from the unstable brother, but Sam was even bigger than Dean and you knew you would have even more trouble escaping him. When Dean saw your hesitation he encouraged you by saying,

“Never be intimidated by someone’s size, strength, or age. Everyone has a weak point, just find it.” Looking at Sam though, you couldn’t find a single thing that might give you the upper hand and you flinched away from him as soon as he stepped toward you.

He didn’t hesitate in taking advantage of the window you gave him.

Before you could run he was circling an arm around you, barring a leg behind yours, and throwing you to the ground. _Maybe he isn’t the nicer one._

A fearful whimper escaped you when he lifted you back up with one arm, and then he began squeezing your body until you couldn’t breath. He lifted you completely off of the ground and you kicked and struggled mindlessly in his grip before a thought occurred to you.

_No one has strong eyes._

With that you slammed a hand over his face, found one of his beautiful brown eyes with your thumb, and pushed until he grunted and dropped you like a sack of flour.

“Nice job , you’re a fast learner.” Sam smiled down at you happily, and extended an arm to help you off the ground.

“Funny, I don’t feel like I’m _winning_ any of these fights.” you mumbled. In fact the hours of playtime with the Winchesters left your body feeling like it had been run over a couple times.

By a semi truck.

Dean chuckled and joined Sam in front of you, looking like he got a grip once again,

“Well luckily the people you have to worry about aren’t half as skilled as we are when it comes to this crap,” he had a point,

“So as long as I never have to fight you guys I’m golden,” you were actually smiling. Dean mirrored your expression, but not before you caught a loaded glance between him and Sam.

“We’ll let a few more trainings determine that,” your smile faltered, his didn’t,

“I have to do this again?” both brothers nodded looking like they might burst into laughter at your expression, “Can we at least wait till I don’t feel like a walking bruise?”

“Hey no pain no gain sugar,” Dean quipped, “besides, if I’m not mistaken you seem more confident than ever.” he was right, you felt like you could take on the world, bruises and all.

*** ****

Days of repetitive training and Sam's monster quizzes, had you feeling like a totally new person. Dean and Sam noticed that you didn't startle so easily, and that you barely even blinked when one of them challenged you hand to hand.

Of course Sam never actually hit you, you noticed that he was always more careful then his brother and for that you were grateful. The training as a whole was effectively getting you back in good physical condition, and in no time you didn't have to worry about blowing away in a slight breeze.

You often found yourself looking at yourself in the mirror before a shower thinking, _hot damn I'm lookin' sexy. ._ That was foreign to you.

Dean began to show some interest as well, for the first time after Sam let it slip at the store that he was attracted to you, and that was all kinds of thrilling. Despite it all though, you would still find yourself on the brink of panic thinking about Jason.

Or if one of the brother's happened to be angry about something, you would just hide in your room all day even though they assured you whenever they could that they would never hurt you. . . Besides on training days.

An idea entertained itself in your mind, about going back to Oregon and savagely murdering the son of a bitch, but you pushed the thoughts away whenever they came.

On the nights that were especially upsetting, Castiel would surprise you like he did on your first night in the bunker and hold you until you fell asleep. You weren't even sure the Winchesters knew about his much needed visits. It became routine and you found yourself telling the Angel things, that you'd never shared with anyone.

Maybe it was because the fact that he was an Angel still warped your mind. . . Whatever the reason he seemed content letting you talk to him and he would often make you feel better about the things that bugged you.

And there were times when _he_ would just talk while he held you, seeming to understand that you needed to know someone was there while you feel asleep.

You tried to extract information about Sam and Dean sometimes. Admittedly curious about all the secrets they seemed to hold from you, but no matter how sneaky you thought you were being Castiel never slipped up. But he never got angry with you for trying either.

One night, your memories got bad.  

The evening that made you decide to leave Jason was replaying in your head over and over as you tried to fall asleep, and after hours of reliving it, you were sobbing loudly into you pillow.

Castiel took so long to show that you thought for sure you would have to suffer through the night alone, but the familiar sound of ruffling feathers had you jumping out of bed and running into his arms.

You didn't even realize you weren't wearing a shirt until his trench coat scratched against your bare skin, thankfully you were at least covered by a sports bra. His warm hand traveled to your hip to push you back gently and look at your face, something he often did when he read your thoughts,

"Would you like to tell me about it?" his voice was low and seemed more rough than normal, given the images he was seeing in your mind no doubt.

"I don't know," you answered honestly, and you jumped in surprise when his hand ghosted over the ugly scar on your bare hip. The Angel said nothing about it though, and instead lifted you up bridal style and gently set you on the bed. Taking a seat to face you he all but demanded,

“Tell me about it.” So you tried, sensing the oncoming tears that you would have to fight, your voice was high with strain.

“He um- he got really bad one night. . . And he t-tried to um. .” you weren’t sure why you couldn’t force the word passed your lips, you’d had this same struggle on the road with the boys. Castiel surprised you by practically growling,

“Force himself upon you,” you nodded not trusting your voice, and after a moment of the Angel studying you he told you, “I understand. You may continue.”

“With the way he was acting, I didn’t think anything was going to save me that time,” you sniveled and shuddered with the memory, “b-but I guess I was screaming so loudly that it annoyed my neighbor enough to blast a hole through the side of my trailer with a shotgun.” you remembered how disappointed you were that the shotgun’s spray missed you by a few inches.

“Luckily it pissed Jason off enough that he just settled for beating me within an inch of my life for being so loud. But he came so _close_ Cas. . . he almost destroyed me. He _did_ destroy me.” you hiccuped on another sob, and Castiel continued staring at you,

“I wanted to fight back but I was never strong enough, and always too afraid.” You jumped when his hand went back to your hip,

"What is the meaning of this?" the Angel demanded with a hint of anger laced in his tone, even though you could tell it wasn't directed at you it still made you shiver.

"He said it was so I can never forget that I'm his," more tears flooded your vision and you were humiliated at your weakness, especially after you'd come so far.

Castiel grunted, seeming to ponder something for a moment before he covered the scar completely with one of his hands and pressed firmly. Warmth and odd tingles spread around the letters marring your hip, and you resisted the urge to jump back at the sensation.

When he removed his hand there was only clear skin. He had healed the scar binding you to that monster.

“You belong to no one ,” he moved you into the normal position between his arms and pressed against his chest, “I advise that you inform Sam and Dean of these fears that plague you-”

“What? _No_!” you all but yelled into his blue tie, “I don’t want them to look at me differently.”

“I look at you no differently,” Castiel pointed out obviously confused,

“Yeah but. . .” you struggled to find words to explain, “you’re special Cas. They wouldn’t take it the same way.”

“The Winchesters care for you greatly, I sense their affection toward you growing everyday.” his voice was soothing against your ear, “I assure you that notifying the brothers of your past will only bring peace to you.”

“My soul is broken isn’t it Cas?” there was a rumble against your cheek, as Castiel processed what you’d asked,

“No your soul is fully intact,” he was confused again, and you actually giggled,

“It’s a figure of speech,” you explained patiently, forgetting that he was a very literal thinker,

“I see.” and that was all he said, you were beginning to feel the effects of 4 hours of sleep every night. Your eyelids drooped but you felt like you had to tell the Angel something,  
“Cas?” you sleepily asked,

“Yes. I will stay with you until you wake as always,” he assumed that was where your thoughts lie,

“No-I mean yes stay, but I was gonna say something else,” your voice was slightly muffled by his coat, and you could hear the small adorable smile in his voice that he sometimes wore when he was with you,

“Yes?” he’d probably already read your mind, but you said it anyway,

“I love you, I think.” Of course you weren’t speaking romantically, at least you didn’t think so. . .it had been awhile since you felt anything for anyone besides apprehension, but you were sure Castiel knew what you meant. . . Even if you didn’t.

“So I am aware,” yep there was definitely a smile in his deep voice, “I also am quite fond of you .” and just like that your heart burst. “I will help you sleep now.”

“Thank you. . .” you mumbled as comfortable darkness took you in, you were looking forward to another dreamless night beside your Angel.

***  

One afternoon after a particularly demanding session with the brothers, your feelings tumbled out of your mouth before you could think to stop them,

“I wish I would’ve met you guys a long time ago, then maybe I wouldn’t have to be fixed.” both brothers looked at you lovingly but with a twinge of sadness, “Thank you though, it’s been awhile since I’ve felt this strong. Even though you both just got done kicking my ass a million times.” Dean snorted,

“I know the feeling,” your eyes caught his hand rubbing his forearm, and you noticed a peculiar small red mark when he moved it.

“What _is_ that?” you stepped forward and reached to touch it, but he jerked away quickly, his eyes growing angry and defensive again,

“None of your business,” he growled startling you with the sudden harshness of his tone, “we’ll pick this up again tomorrow.” As he stalked out of the garage, you could feel Sam staring at you.

“What is that Sam?” he cleared his throat uncomfortably and you finally looked up at him demandingly, “Don’t act like nothing is wrong, I see the way he is. Why did Castiel tell you it was dangerous for him to be around me?” you were surprised at your bluntness, probably due to some lasting adrenaline from sparring.

However Sam didn’t get mad or lie to you like you thought he might,

“It’s called the Mark of Cain.” he sighed worriedly and ran a hand through his mussed up hair, “it makes him act different- more violent- but it was the only way to take down Abaddon. . . now we can’t get rid of it.” there were a lot of things in that sentence that you didn’t understand, but you focused on Dean,

“So he’s not normally so angry all the time?” Sam actually laughed a little,

“Not like this no, I’m actually surprised he's controlled himself so well with your training.” he must’ve seen how confused you looked because he added in a rush,

“Violence feeds the Mark, and increases his need to kill. I was a little worried about today, but I think he needed to know he could control it.” _What. The. Fuck._

“You used me as a _guinea pig_?” you yelled in disbelief, Sam looked surprised at your outburst, “there was a possibility that he could have lost it and _killed_ me and you just decided to let him give it the good old college try?” your voice was picking up steadily, and you could feel from somewhere deep in you soul, pent up anger from all the shit that you’d been through beginning to boil over.

“ . . .” Sam’s voice took on a warning note, which only pissed you off more. “You need to relax, I wouldn’t have let anything happen-”

“Oh you would have stopped him like you _didn’t_ when he about killed me for crashing his car?” Sam took a step toward you and you were so strung up that you unthinkingly let your foot fly straight into his groin.

He looked as surprised as you felt as he heavily took a knee, but you didn’t stick around for the consequences.

Instead you took off in the same direction Dean went, desperately needing some alone time to think. Your (h/c) hair was whipping in your eyes as you ran trying to find a place to hideout for awhile, but the hallways were so dim and you realized that you still had no clue of the layout of the bunker.

Taking a few random turns, you slowed to a walk and realized you were lost. It’s like a giant cement corn maze, with crazy people somewhere in the mix. You wondered if you were talking about Sam and Dean or yourself.

After a few minutes your breathing was slowing and you finally stopped walking aimlessly through the unfamiliar corridors. The adrenaline from the earlier was totally gone, and you knew you had to find Sam and apologize for kicking him like that. Castiel said that they cared about you, and deep down you knew they really did.

You cared about them too.

However you also knew that Dean was Sam's brother and that meant he would always come before you, as much as it sucked you could understand that.

There was an intersection in the hallway and you stopped dead center, wondering which direction would bring you back toward the garage.

“Get a little lost Princess?” Dean’s sudden gravelly voice startled you enough to make you gasp. You spun around and were surprised when all you could see was a faint silhouette of him far down the dark curved hallway, it looked eerily like a ghost.

“You guys really need to replace the lights in here, I can hardly see anything.” you giggled nervously, and felt prickles of your hairs standing up when he was only silent in response. It was so dark where he was, that your eyes almost lost his outline in the darkness.

"Hey I'm sorry I pried about that mark earlier, it just looked interesting. . " you lied. You wrapped your arms around yourself, suddenly feeling vulnerable in the bright light of the intersection. When he didn't answer you called out,

“D-Dean?” you squinted at his still figure, and jumped when he chuckled suddenly,

“There’s that damn stutter again. .” he abruptly began moving in your direction, and your whole body twitched. The voice in your head turned back on, _something is very wrong. ._

“Didn’t take much did it?”

“For what?” you glanced to your right, wondering how far you could make it before he caught you.

“For that fear to come back,” you could hear the smile in his voice, “all I had to do was show up in the dark, get you alone. . . I can practically feel it from here.”

“Dean. . .” you couldn’t stop it from sounding a little like a plea and you winced at the fact you’d just proved him right. He was holding something though, you squinted against the dark to get a better look, but you already knew what it was.

 _A knife._  Not the weird one from the road, but just as deadly.

When he spoke next his voice was high pitched and exaggerated,

“Dean. . .” he was _mimicking_ you. Your eyes widened and you took several steps back,

“W-what’s wrong with you?” he was in the light now, in the intersection with you. You had let him get to close,

“Nothing’s wrong with me! I feel _fine_!” his eyes were glinting with sinister intent. Dean threw his arms out, and took a deep breath pretending to study the ceiling. He wasn’t even looking at you when he asked, “but what’s wrong with you ? Don’t tell me those are _tears_ I hear. . .”

They were. You had automatically started to cry when you realized how strange he was acting.

When the only answer you gave him was the soft hitching of your breath, he looked back down at you. A slow smile stretched his features, and it looked so wicked in the shadows that you wanted to scream.

“I haven’t even touched you yet.” _Yet._

“Dean- Sam told me about the Mark-it’s just the Mark, he said you can figh-”

“Sam said that huh?” he cut you off, and began to casually pace in front of you, “See the thing is, our little training got me thinkin. . .I don’t think I _want_ to fight it anymore.”

“SAM!” you screamed suddenly, Dean didn’t even flinch at the sudden outburst.

“Yeah Sam, get out here,  needs help!” he put a hand up to his ear, like he was listening for something, you found yourself listening too.

“Hear that?” he chided after a moment of total silence, “No one’s comin to save you,” he was shaking his head and leaning toward you menacingly.

You could feel your whole body trembling but you had no control over yourself, you were drawing a blank on everything the brothers had been teaching you for the past few days.

All your brain was saying was _run, run, run._ It was sending you images of Justin, and the terrible things he would do. But something told you Dean could be a lot worse, even though you once thought that was impossible.

_Nothing will save me this time. . ._

Dean raised his eyebrows at you like he was expecting something, and he threw his arms out again, not missing how your tear filled eyes tracked the blade in his right hand.

“Got nothin?” he made a clicking sound with his tongue, “alright let’s make this look good for when Sammy finds ya.” You put your hands up and started backing down the hall,

“Please don’t do this,” you blubbered feeling all that trust you'd finally built crumble to ruins, “you said I wouldn’t ever have to fight you.” your breathing was so jagged it sounded like a hiccup, and he just squinted at you with savage green eyes and a sick smile on his face.

It was like he was possessed.

Then he whispered in the most threatening way a person can,

“ _Run._ ”

And you did.

You turned on your heel and sprinted harder than you ever had before, and rounded the corner to an even darker hallway. You heard an odd high pitched raking noise, and the only thing that you could picture was Dean dragging the sharp knife across the wall as he leisurely made his way over to you.

As childish as it was, the endless blackness in the hall terrified you especially after you found out that all the monsters you feared were real. So instead of running blindly into the pitch dark, you turned around and stared at the corner that Dean would eventually come around,

“ . . .” he singsonged eerily, “What if I told you. . .you turned down a dead end street, Sweetheart?” your heart froze in your chest and your sob echoed off the walls,

“Oh God-please don’t hurt me!” you screamed at him, and you heard him chuckle carelessly from around the corner. The sound about made your quaking knees feel like they might buckle to the concrete. You hated yourself for not being brave in the moment it counted, but you couldn't break past the fear. 

Out of nowhere strong arms wrapped around you from behind ripping another scream from your lips,

“That’s enough Dean, she’s not ready yet.” it was Sam’s voice behind you and you could feel his strong chest rumble with his words. _What the Hell is going on?_ Dean rounded the corner, knife still in hand.

His face was unreadable, but you swore it held a touch of disappointment. Despite your confusion you began thrashing in Sam’s hold as soon as you saw him,

“Sam let go of me, _please_ don’t do this!” you were bawling in his arms, to frightened to notice that Dean had stopped moving toward you.

“Relax . You’re safe it was a test,” he was grunting against your struggles. _A test._ You stopped thrashing once the words sunk in,

“A test?” you felt betrayed even though you never really were given a reason to trust them in the first place. Sam released you and you rounded on him, you saw regret and worry in his expression as he took in your reaction. Dean spoke, breaking the tension,

“You failed.” he said bluntly,

“How could you do this to me?” you whispered to Sam, hearing the betrayal laced in your own voice. “I thought. . . I thought-”

“Well whatever you thought it was wrong,” Dean ground out behind you, “you wanted to be trained? Well this was a test and you failed it, fear is what gets people killed and you let it control you.”

“Sam, how could you do this? I thought you wanted to help me! I thought you guys _cared_ about me!” He winced a little at the volume of your voice. _Good._

White hot rage boiled in your brain, you could feel your palms sweat, and your vision began to blur.

“Hey relax kid, we _do_ care about you. This is part of the help,” Dean’s voice behind you only made you angrier,

“If you wanted to destroy me more, I wish you would have just killed me on the road!” you whirled around to face Dean who looked a little shocked at your reaction,

“Hey I know it doesn’t feel like it, but this is for your own damn good. Tough love babe,” he ground out at you,

“Tough love? _Bullshit_ ,” you growled, “you guys don’t need to pretend to care about me. I was doing just fine on my own!” tears were pouring out of your (e/c) eyes, but they were tears of frustration now.

Dean smirked at you,

“If your definition of _fine_ is jumping at the sound of a bird singing, then yeah I’d say you're fine.”

“At least I’m not letting a fucking _Mark_ on my arm turn me into a crazy person!” _  
_

“You’re right some douche bag is doing that to you instead,” he growled, “tell me what did he do to leave you like _this_ , huh?”

“Dean enough. . .” Sam warned behind you,

“No Sam I wanna hear this!” he yelled over your shoulder and turned his glare back on you, “You wanna talk about things you don’t understand, fine. But go ahead and tell me what’s got your marbles mixed!” he roared in your face.

All you could do for a moment was stare at him wide eyed and open mouthed,

“No!” you stood on your tiptoes in an attempt to scream in his face, “I don’t have to explain myself to you, you're both crazier than I am!” he narrowed his eyes and kept picking,

“Come on what was it? He hit you a couple times, and now you're _ruined_?” he sneered down at you,“Well grow up Sugar cause I got news for you, the world can get a lot more nasty.” That was it, you broke.

“HE TRIED TO RAPE ME! _OKAY_?” you screeched so loud your head swam, and you stumbled back into Sam who caught you and lowered you the rest of the way to the ground gently. You were sniveling, and staring at Dean’s dirty boots,

“Over and over again, he tried. . . but things happened that would stop it.” you hiccuped on a sob, “he would pass out drunk, or I would run away for the night, or the _phone_ would ring. .” you were sure you were only mumbling to yourself at this point,

“I had a special room at the hospital that the nurses would keep open for me, because I went there so often with broken bones and concussions. .”

“Jesus.” Sam mumbled in a pained voice, and you looked up at Dean expecting disgust. It was exactly the opposite though, his green eyes mirrored your heartbreak.

He extended a hand to you and you took it slowly, worried your confession would change the way they felt about you,

“I’m sorry, you guys didn’t need to hear that, can you just forget I said anything?” you whispered as he lifted you, Sam spoke behind you in the most careful tone you’d heard.

“No- actually I wish you would have said something before, we would have never pushed you this hard.”  _Castiel might have been right._

“Does this mean you won’t train me anymore?” you asked sadly, you stumbled a little feeling the effects of screaming so much.

“Oh no, we’re not gonna let you off the hook that easy,” Dean’s attempt at humor was forced as he studied you for what seemed like the first time.

“Good,” you were actually relieved, “I need this. And as crazy as it sounds, I still want to help you guys.”

“Yeah we’ll get you toughened up in no time,” Dean reassured you with his take on a comforting smile, and a rough pat on the back. Only when Sam released you to walk on your own did you realize just how light headed you were.

In no time you had hit the floor. The edges of your vision were darkening, and you could feel yourself being raised up in a pair of strong arms.

You were actually kind of relieved when your vision faded to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff is on the horizon and the story line comes back into play :) Comments welcome!


	6. Two Milestones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Winchesters feel guilty for betraying you like they did.
> 
> You say some hurtful things to Dean in the heat of the moment.
> 
> Castiel gets closer to you.
> 
> The boys have another trick up their sleeves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the month-long wait, I've got some stuff going on with college and what not! Hope this chapter is worth it.
> 
> This chapter contains sexual content. Finally! All jokes aside, if that bothers you please read with caution :)

The morning after you had passed out in the hallway, you had woken up caged in Castiel’s arms.

He was angry. You could feel it inside of him, but you still soaked in as much of the man’s essence as you could before reality had to ruin everything.

You especially didn’t want to face the brothers yet, still not quite sure how they took your confession.

“I’m not angry at you ,” he grumbled softly above your head, “I’m angry with Sam and Dean for experimenting with you.” you were quiet for a moment, even as Castiel shifted to move from the bed you weren’t sure what to say,

“It’s okay, I’m fine.” you went with that, even though you swore you could still feel your body quivering a little bit even after the night’s rest.

The angel rose completely with his back to you.

He was slouching slightly, and when he turned to face you he looked oddly tired. Something was very wrong.

 

Despite your earlier worries, the Winchesters were all heartfelt apologies and comforting hugs throughout the week.

Dean even went as far as cooking for you for every meal of the day. He was actually a pretty fabulous cook. You were relieved that your confession didn’t make the brothers uncomfortable, but it made sense when you remembered Dean’s words on your first night here.

_“Oh, anything you can dish out, we’ve either seen worse or been worse,”_

You guessed they weren’t new players in the whole ‘emotional scarring’ game. Probably key players actually. The only thing that you were mildly irritated about was that when it came to the training Dean and Sam were both going easy on you.

While you though Sam had before, it was nothing compared to how he was now.

Both of them barely even touching you, releasing you from various holds after only a couple seconds of struggle, wincing when you cried out or even whimpered in discomfort.

“I’ll never be good at this if you two don’t man up on me a little bit,” you finally said after day two of the brothers walking on eggshells.

They were both leaning on the Impala after sparring with each other for about an hour straight. Dean grimaced a little like you’d caught him,

“We just don’t want to scare ya again kiddo,” he started looking to Sam for help but received none, “we’re just waiting for you-”

“I thought monsters don’t wait Dean.” you cut in with his words from a few days before. His eyes narrowed at you,

“We’re not monsters ,” he shot flatly, and your frustration was so alive that you said the words before you could think better of it.

“Could've fooled me,” Dean jerked back like you’d slapped him but you turned to walk away before he could get a word in, “and that Mark on your arm doesn’t put you that far off in my opinion.”

“ !” that was Sam’s voice booming behind you, and you froze halfway out the door admittedly a little startled to hear the big man yell for once.

When you turned he was up off of the car fuming with his fists clenched tightly at his sides.

Apparently you hit a nerve. Dean on the other hand was staring at the floor, hurt etched across his face, looking like a beaten dog.

Okay you’d really hit a nerve. _What’s gotten into me?_

“Dean I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“No ,” Sam’s bark snapped you attention back to him, “we have done nothing but try to help you since you got here, and you think you can talk to him like that?” _Oh man he's was really angry._

“Sam I don’t know what’s gotten into me. . . I just want to feel _good_ again, I just want to feel strong.”

“Yeah?” he moved forward, still boiling hot, “you want me to be hard on you? Is that what you want?” you only stared at him unsure of what you should do, Sam had never been this angry in front of you before.

You looked to Dean, who was watching your reaction intently, reading your body language. So you squared your shoulders, trying your best to ignore the undeniable tremble that was shaking your chest, and the fact that Dean raised his eyebrows at you like you were crazy.

“Well that’s what I fucking said, isn’t it?” No stutter, no quiver in your voice, no tears.

You heard Dean blow out a breath, but all of your attention was focused on the 6’4 wall of muscle that was about to try and kill you.

“You asked for it.” he growled just before he charged at you.

You froze up for a second, and that was all it took for Sam to lower his shoulder into you and lift you completely off your feet. You were slammed into the hard stone wall like a rag doll and squeaked as the breath rushed out of your lungs.

As if you weren't already done for he pinned you up on the wall with his shoulder and delivered a bone crushing punch to your abdomen, which tore a breathless scream from your lips.

You struggled then, frightened that the giant would accidentally kill you in his rage, and managed a solid knee to his chest while looping an arm around his neck. When he moved back from the wall you dropped, holding onto your choke hold for dear life, and Sam was forced to bend over awkwardly in front of you.

You only had the upper hand for a moment until his strong arms wrapped around your torso and he pulled you roughly into his chest, causing you to lose your footing.

He was easily able to force you to the floor then, growling when you struck him in the face with a panicked punch.

Huge hands closed around your throat. He had your legs trapped between his, and he was much too strong for you to pull his hands off of you. So you flailed momentarily. You tried to mindlessly push his face away from yours, even though you couldn't quite reach him.

Dean still sat on the car watching his brother strangle the life out of you, like he didn't have a care in the world.

_Not strong enough. Never strong enough. You failed you pathetic waste of space. . ._

You continued to claw at his hands and arms frantically, trying to scream at him to stop but no sound would come out. Then you felt a tear slip out.

Sam was going to kill you.

His face was still a mask of absolute rage, and he was practically roaring in your face.

Black dots danced along your vision, and you looked to Dean helplessly once more. His eyes held yours, calm and resigned, but then he did something that froze your heart.

He smirked. That woke something inside of you.

With your last ounce of strength you slammed both fists down on the insides of Sam’s elbows, and bucked your hips hard up into his. Both of those actions plus a miracle resulted in Sam jolting forward just enough to get your feet pulled up under him, plus it broke his hold around your windpipe.

With a scream of effort you shoved him the rest of the way up and over your head with your legs and watched him roll away, while you gasped and sputtered for air. You scrambled to your hands and knees and lunged for Sam who was trying to right himself.

Climbing up to his shoulders you were able to wrap your legs around his neck from behind and jerk him back down to the ground with you. His upper body fell heavily on your hips, but you wasted no time in tightening your legs around his airway.

He sputtered and writhed, trying to reach up and grab at your body behind him, but no matter what he was able to squeeze or how hard you weren’t letting up on his throat.

“Hey,” Dean warned from his spot on the car, but you ignored him. Sam’s movements were becoming tired and slow,

“That’s enough,” Dean spoke up again more firmly, but you paid him no mind. You would squeeze until Sam passed out and you felt safe. Suddenly Dean was grabbing you by the upper arms and pulling you away from Sam,

“Get off me!” you screamed at him and flailed. He pulled you up effortlessly and wrapped his arms around you, trapping your arms against your sides with a steel grip. “ _Dean!_ ”

“Can it,” he demanded while you watched Sam rise from the floor,

“Dean let go of me!” you struggled against the eldest Winchester in vain, while Sam made his way over to you, “Please, _please!”_ you screamed brokenly knowing for sure they were about to kill you.

You were literally jumping up and down trying to break Dean’s hold on you before Sam got too close, but he wasn't budging at all.

“Hey relax!” Dean barked over your cries, “You _passed_ , we’re not gonna hurt you. Hey, hey, _hey_ we’re not gonna hurt you!”

“W-what?” you slowly stopped writhing around, but Dean didn’t let you go,

“You passed ,” Sam repeated, and there was actually a smile on his face even though he almost just passed out.

“You cool?” Dean grumbled, loosening his arms minutely.

“I. . .I passed?” Dean chuckled then and finally let you go, placing a hand on your shoulder when you stumbled.

“Yeah kid, I’m actually impressed.” Dean shook his head and put his hands on his hips, you were still gaping.

“But. . .but I was afraid,” Dean’s smile faltered for a second, and you turned to Sam who was absolutely beaming.

“You didn't let it control you.” he said softly, “It’s okay to be scared, the trick is to not let that fear _consume_ you. You used it to your advantage this time.”

“I _passed_ ,” you breathed, both brothers chuckled at your reaction. “I passed!” you screamed it out that time and couldn't stop yourself from jumping up and down,

“Oh my God!” you were giggling, happier than you’d been in a long time, and you couldn't resist reaching out and grabbing Sam and Dean to pull them in for a hug. They both grunted and wrapped an arm around you, "Does this mean I can finally go on a hunt with you guys now?" you felt Dean stiffen slightly, but Sam spoke first.

"Sure. . . I mean of course you definitely earned it." you squealed and began hoping up and down in their arms,

“Congrats,” Dean laughed, “I think she’s _excited_.”

“Good job , you did it. All on your own.” Sam rubbed your back and you pressed your face into Dean’s solid chest. Then a thought occurred to you,

"Dean I'm really sorry about what I said. . . I didn't mean it," your voice was quiet, and you weren't sure how the older brother would take your apology,

"Hey, water under the bridge. he said gruffly and you giggled at him completely relieved, “So how about we celebrate, huh?"

“Margaritas.” the word was spoken into his chest,

“Wha-”

“Margaritas.” you demanded more clearly, holding back laughter at the look on Dean’s face.

“Margaritas it is,” Sam laughed, “Anything else?”

“Burgers and Buffy.” Dean snorted at that one,

“You're my kinda lady,” he grunted and you finally pulled away from them.

“Alright so burgers, Buffy, and Margaritas,” Sam held up three fingers, “I’ll make a run to the store.” Dean made a show of sniffing the air,

“Go take a shower, you stink.” he quipped and nudged you toward the door,

“Yeah well fighting for her life will do that to a girl,” you laughed while you walked away.

“Drama queen!” you jogged to your room, wanting nothing more than to take a fast shower and meet the boys downstairs. You needed to come up with a good way to thank them.

Sure their training was based solely on deceit and trickery, but it worked hadn’t it? You stupidly challenged Sam Winchester of all people to an angry death match, and magically had come out on top.

All because they scared you into being brave. . . _Did that make sense? Whatever._

You would figure out how to make pie for Dean, that would do it. Something else would have to be done for Sam, but you had time to decide. _Maybe hairspray._ You giggled at yourself, he’d be so pissed if you did that.

 

When you got to your room Castiel was standing dead center with a smile on his face,

“Cas, I passed! I did it!” you squealed and barreled into him excitedly,

“I heard , I’m happy for you.” he paused for a moment and you pulled away, “How do you feel?” _What a loaded question,_

“I. . .I don’t even know how to explain it. Empowered I guess? Like I could save the world. . .” you were beaming.

“Well saving the world is more difficult than you might think.” he pointed out seriously, and you wondered if he was speaking from experience.

“It’s just an expression Cas,” you giggled, “but I feel strong. . . and confident. Oh we’re celebrating tonight, I’m gonna introduce you to Buffy! The most badass vampire slayer around.”

Castiel suddenly looked tired, worried, like he was keeping something from you,

“I’m not sure I can make it. . .” he turned his eyes downward.

“Cas. . . are you okay?” you interrupted him, and he huffed a little, blinking like he was deciding what to say. That worried you even more. “What’s going on.” your voice was hard and flat, and it caused his blue eyes to finally focus on you.

“Nothing that concerns you,” he bit out. Ouch. He shifted a little before digging the knife a little deeper, “but you should know that we might not be seeing each other for awhile.” you felt the blood drain from your face.

“W- _what_?” it came out shrill and panicked. _He can’t leave!_ This man had been your rock since you’d been taken from the truck stop. He had been the only person you could open up to since. . . _ever_ \- and now he was _leaving_?

“What’s going on?” you asked again, and felt compelled to grab him in case he just decided to disappear on you.

“The situation with Dick Roman has gotten out of hand, I intend to put an end to him once and for all.” he looked at you pointedly.

“The _Leviathans_?” he nodded, “How are you going to do that? Is it dangerous?” you were panicking. _What if he never comes back?_

“Like I said, it doesn’t concern you,” your eyes began to water at the way he was treating you, like he was a completely different person.

“Why won’t you talk to me? I-I told you _everything_ ,” you balled your hands into fists to try and anchor yourself, but when he only cast his eyes downward you whispered desperately, “I’m sorry if I got too attached to you. . .” the angel’s eyes widened at your declaration,

“The reason I’m leaving has nothing to do with you , I am happy you found comfort in sharing such painful things with me.”

“And that’s it? Now you’re just _leaving_?” the volume of your voice was raising with your frustration, “And you won’t even tell me why? I thought you cared about me!” you were yelling at him now, but couldn’t stop yourself there were simply too many feelings threatening to overheat.

“At least that’s what you said. . .” you felt wounded and stupid to think that this otherworldly being actually gave a shit about you, that _anyone_ gave a shit about you.

_When did I start thinking I was so special?_

You were so enraptured in shaming yourself and trying to quell your tears that when his hands closed over your fists you jumped. He ducked down so his eyes were level with yours brushed a stray tear sneaking down your cheek.

“You are special , _so_ special. As I have said many times before, I care about you greatly.” his voice was low and earnest, but you couldn’t help but snivel like a toddler anyway, “I care for you so much in fact that while I refuse to give you details on my current mission, I have at least given you a vague idea of my plan. Something I will not do for the Winchesters.” that got your attention.

“What?” you whispered down at him.

“I do not plan on informing the Winchesters of my mission. I trust you will agree to keep this between you and I.” the way he was looking at you, eyes wide and full of hope, there was no way in Hell you would go against anything he asked.

So you nodded.

And just like that you had a secret to keep,

“Please,” you paused knowing it was pointless to ask, “just. . . just don’t go.” Castiel rose to stand in front of you, not releasing your hands, “I-I _need_ you Cas, I don’t know if I can do this alone yet.”

“You already have.” your eyes snapped to his, “Pray to me. While I won’t be able to respond, I will hear you.”

“Okay,” it was a whisper, because you knew in your heart praying wouldn’t be good enough. Nerves buzzed in your belly at the idea of him leaving so to keep him longer you asked,

“Why can’t Sam and Dean know? They could help you-”

“That’s exactly why,” he cut you off, “I would never forgive myself if something happened to the brothers because I asked for their hand in battle.” _Battle?_

You decided not to ask, to save yourself some pain.

“They’ll know I’m keeping something from them. . .” that you knew for sure, the brothers were smart. And they could read people like a book. Castiel ignored your concerns and instead pulled you from the bed so you were standing in front of him close enough that your face almost touched his chest.

_Please don’t leave me, please don’t leave me._

It was on repeat in your mind, and you knew he heard it when he squeezed your hands harder in his.

“What if I need you?” you whispered without looking at him,

“You will be okay , you are strong enough. You have always been strong enough.” you whimpered and buried your face in his strong chest, breathing him in like you would never see him again.

He wrapped you in his arms like he’d become accustomed to doing, and squeezed hard as if he felt the same way. Then he said something that made your heart convulse,

“I love you .” You stopped breathing.

No one had said that to you for years. . Only now did you realize that.

Only now did you realize how much you needed it. Pulling your tear streaked face away from his now soaked tie, you chanced a look at his face.

There in his deep blue eyes was the truth as clear as day. He _did_ love you. Really.

“I love you too Castiel.” the whisper was so soft had he been a normal man he wouldn’t have heard it. “I’m scared.” but for once you weren’t sure what you were afraid of.

Being alone, keeping secrets, or being in love. With an Angel no less.

However Castiel didn’t give you much time to pinpoint your fear, for he was leaning toward you hesitantly like he wasn’t sure what he was looking for. You mimicked him, raising on your tiptoes to bring your lips closer to his and closed your eyes against the growing butterflies.

The moment your lips touched nothing mattered. All of your worries were completely forgotten, and all you could feel was warm comfort and deep care.

The Angel’s hand left your waist and moved to cradle the back of your head to deepen the kiss, and you felt your body bow into him naturally as your lips moved together.

Castiel grazed his free hand along the exposed skin of your stomach just above the top of your leggings, igniting electricity along the sensitive flesh with the warmth of his hand.

You gasped into his mouth at the sensation and he took the opportunity to breach your lips with his tongue, tentatively at first and then more passionately when you didn’t object. He tasted just like you thought he might, a hint of honey, just like the way he smelled.

Continuing to massage your tongue with his Castiel pulled you more firmly to him, and you immediately reached up to run your hands through his soft dark hair. When his hand finally moved back to your ass, you moaned needily into his mouth, honestly a little surprised at how much you actually wanted him to touch you right then.

He broke the kiss to drag his lips down your jaw, nipping and licking places that made you gasp until he made it to where your neck met your shoulder.

He lightly bit down on the sensitive spot and you actually cried out in pleasure. No one had treated you this way before, nobody had shown you this level of care.

Only pain and fear. Your body stiffened a fraction. _Jason. . ._

“Don’t think about him now,” Castiel’s words were muffled into the base of your neck and you whined at the feeling of his mouth on you, but you were still not sure what you needed him to do.

“ _Castiel_. . .” you groaned, when he moved his hand from your ass to the front of your pants, dangerously close to your core. For once however, you were not afraid of contact.

When he grazed his fingers over your sex through your thin pants, you actually bucked up into him.

“I can stop whenever you want,” he reminded you, but you didn’t want him to. _Oh God don’t stop. . ._

As soon as he heard that thought something in him seemed to take over and his fingers flashed to the exact spot you needed them.

“Ahh!” you cried out as he dug the thin fabric into your folds. You weren’t sure what was happening, you didn’t have anything to base this feeling off of, and admittedly you were a little nervous.

But you trusted this man, that much you knew, so you relaxed into his touch.

“I won’t take your virginity yet , he was so to-the-point, and it cause you to blush a deep red, “I only want you to relax.” you felt yourself nodding absently. Castiel walked you backward and the backs of your knees hit the mattress, he continued to kiss your neck as he lowered you down.

Naturally you bent your knees and allowed his body to settle between your legs while he kept up the pace with his fingers through your pants.

Instead of removing your clothes like you thought he might, Castiel pushed his over the top of your pants to continue massaging your sex directly.

His touch made you gasp and squirm. Strong fingers finding a sweet spot within your folds that made you buck up off of the bed frantically, and squeeze fistfuls of his trenchcoat in your hands.

A loud whimper broke from your throat as the Angel mouthed a nipple through your thin tank top, and increased the pressure on your clit with his fingers. Buzzing electricity ignited in your core and you could feel involuntary muscles spasming as you approached certain bliss.

You yelped when he unexpectedly pinched your clit between his fingers and your legs attempted to jerk closed at all the sensation, but his large body kept you splayed wide beneath him.

“ _Cas_. . .” you moaned needing more, but not sure how to put it into words. With no warning he slid down your body to his knees before you and swiftly peeled away your leggings.

On instinct you closed your legs, not sure he really wanted to see all of you explicitly like that.

And instead of forcing them back open like Jason would have done, Castiel just kissed your ankle gently and moved slowly up your thigh, placing small kisses all the way up to the bend in your knee.

“Want to see you,” he rumbled. He sounded different, more primal you guessed and the sound made you shiver. When you didn’t get the hint he ever so gently nudged at your closed knees with his face, until you hesitantly parted them, but you had to look away from his reaction and you felt your face reddening as he took you in.

“Perfect,” he cooed softly, “you are a beautiful human being .” you looked at him then. His blue eyes were darkened with want and were zeroed in hungerly on your sex, completely vulnerable before him.

He seemed to notice that your breathing picked up slightly, and he tore his gaze away to look into your eyes.

“You have nothing to fear,” and you knew that, you knew that your Angel would never hurt you or frighten you intentionally. So you willed yourself to relax, and as difficult as it was your thighs finally loosened in his hands and you took long deep breaths.

Castiel watched your face intently, and where his hands gripped your thighs you felt warmth and tingles spreading up through your body. Just like that time on the road. Your head lolled to the side, your eyes rolled shut, and you felt a broken groan rise out of your throat at the way he was making your body feel so alive.

When you felt his mouth on you again there was no fear. He placed hot open mouthed kisses to the insides of your thighs, while lazily running two thick fingers up and down your pulsing slit.

You cried out loudly when he lightly bit down on the skin where thigh meets sex, and bucked up in anticipation when your felt his hot breath ghosting over your folds. Vaguely your mind registered that he was pausing for you to change your mind, waiting for you to give him the green light.

“Yes, _yes,_ ” you breathed wantonly, “it’s okay. . Do it Cas, _please._ ” the sound that came out of him was close to a growl, and not a second passed by the time you felt his entire mouth seal over your sex.

“Ahh!” you bucked up off of the mattress, and he draped an arm over your hips to quell your movement. His tongue separated your folds, his lips were opening and closing around you as if he was literally eating you.

Broken whimpers and loud gasps were pouring out of your mouth at the sensations he was doling out, and a pressure was building low in your belly, delicious tingles igniting through your clit. You wanted to look at him but you couldn’t keep your eyes open, and your body was desperately trying to roll up onto his face, but his strong arm wasn’t allowing it.

It was the greatest thing you had ever experienced to date.

His tongue was an act of God.

Just when you needed it he increased speed and pressure on your swollen clit, and occasionally seemed to lap up your juices with obscene slurping noises that only spurred on your arousal.

Vaguely your brain registered the sound of a twisting door knob, and the draft of an opening door.

“ , are you alright in here?” it was Dean’s voice. Panicked, you tried to sit up, but Castiel pushed you firmly back down into the bed with a growl and licked into you harder.

“Ahh!” you screamed out in pleasure and knotted your fingers in his mussed up hair.

“ ? What’s-” you heard his rough voice cut off suddenly as he no doubt got an eyeful of the scandalous scene before him. “Oh _shit_!” you heard him in the doorway, but couldn’t bring yourself to care as Castiel’s mouth demanded your attention.

You were practically sobbing with pleasure when he finally sucked your swollen clit between his lips and flicked his tongue hard across it. You screamed through your orgasm, not able to feel anything but pure pleasure crashing through your body.

A door slammed somewhere far off in the distance, but you forgot why while your body jerked sporadically on the bed.

Castiel continued to gently lick you through your orgasm, and didn’t let up until you could feel your fingers and toes again. Even when he pulled away your core pulsed greedily a couple more times, as you lay panting on the mattress.

“Oh my _God_. . .” you panted feeling a smile stretch across your face. And then your eyes snapped open when you remembered Dean. Dean had literally just seen you orgasm. Blood rushed into your cheeks, “Oh no. . Dean-”

“There is nothing to feel ashamed of,” Castiel cut you off, “Dean practices activities such as these more than any other human I’ve known.” your face only got redder and the Angel smiled down on you looking slightly proud.

“Would you like to shower ?” you nodded and before you could stand, he effortlessly scooped you up bridal style and carried you to the bathroom.

You were giggling like a schoolgirl with your arms wrapped around his neck, you honestly felt like you had passed two milestones in one day. Passing training with the brothers, and allowing Castiel intimately into your life.

He turned on the shower and set you in before he began removing his own clothes.

Your eyes widened at the sight of him.

Castiel was all hard lines and lean muscle under that trench coat, and you found yourself wondering again how someone like you could have landed a man like that.

“I’m not a man, I’m an Angel.” he reminded you kindly, and that only made you feel more lucky.

You made a conscious effort not to look below his waist when he shed his boxers and instead turned your face into the spray away from him, so he wouldn’t see your blush again.

When you felt his bare arms encircle you from behind, you couldn’t help but turn around and snuggle into him like you did when you slept. It was different now however, with your cheek pressed against his solid naked chest, but you still closed your eyes when you felt that familiar rumble travel through it.

“I must leave you soon,” his voice held a note of sadness, and you pushed yourself more firmly into him as if it might stop him from going.

“Promise me you will come back,” you looked up to his face, resting your chin on his chest and blinking against the gentle droplets of water meeting your face.

“I promise,” he leaned down and captured your mouth once again with his. But this was different than before, more calculated and slow.

Almost like he was trying to say goodbye through his actions, you raised up on your toes to return the kiss lovingly.

He stayed with you only for about twenty more minutes, holding you tightly and kissing you slowly. You breathed him in, wanting to memorize this feeling for something to go back to when you needed him.

All too soon he pulled away from you lips to place a single kiss to you forehead, you ran your hands up and down his chest trying to blink back tears.

“I love you . You are strong and you are brave, I need you to believe that.” he paused staring into your soul with those amazing blue eyes, "Always keep fighting."

Then he was gone.

You were alone in the shower.

Alone in the world.

Without you Angel to guide you, to comfort you.

“I love you Castiel.” and then you were crying, hugging yourself tightly, chest hitching with sobs.

Your anchor had abandoned you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like the Winchesters unorthodox method of training finally paid off. Will you be able to keep Castiel's secret? And you can bet the boys are going to let you tag along for a hunt in the next chapter :) Thanks for reading! Comments welcome!


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